Portillos Beef Bus > Bangbros Bang Bus

Portillos -  Just when you think the Sunshine state couldn't get any brighter, The Beef Bus makes its first stop at the Florida State Fair! We’re delivering Chicago-style bliss and cheese sauce to Tampa February 6-February 17.

The Beef Bus serves our famous Chicago-style hot dogs, Italian beef sandwiches, crinkle cut cheese fries, and soft drinks. We relish the chance to escape the cold and meat our loyal fans in Florida!

Want the Beef Bus to visit YOU? Vote here from now until April 30 for a chance to have the Portillo’s food truck come to your city

First off, dibs Shotgun. Let's get that out of the way. I'm not riding in the back with White Sox Dave and the gravy. I'm a front seat, navigation and playlist-shuffle expert. And not for nothing, I can work a Rand McNally Atlas like Pope John Paull II thumbing through a New Testament, King James version. Thanks Dad. 

My qualifications aside though, I think it's important to recognize that in a battle between a random bus showing up to give you something, I'd probably take the Italian Beef over the amateur blowjob. I'd probably rather have Portillos give me a hot, juicy, wet sandwich than being the 4th guy to get a covered handie in downtown Miami. Especially when you're asked to sling beef in front of the driver and the camerman? Sorry guys but I'll just take a sandwich and move on.

Call me a traditionalist. Call me a pussy. Call me someone who wants to be practical when it comes to power ranking Bus experiences:

1. School Bus (field trip)

2. Beef Bus

3. Part Bus with karaoke 

4. Bang Bus

5. Double Decker (London)

What you can't call me is that you won't send the Beef Bus to Barstool HQ in NYC. That would be a colossal mistake, especially if I'm not the one parallel parking it on 5th avenue. 

Wise up Portillo's. I know you're run by a bunch of super rich Boston guys. Well I know a rich Boston guy that would love to have you stop by with some Beefs. Send me an email and let's get to work carl@barstoolsports.com