Do People In Iowa Not Know About Paper Scissors Rock?

Listen I'm not trying to get political or anything but we had the Iowa election thing last night and the place was up for fucking grabs. I'm talking pure and utter chaos. People rioting in the streets, feeling the burn of another democratic cycle, up in arms across Iowa high school gymnasiums everywhere. 

And while I have no idea about the mechanics behind the Iowa election thing, I do know a shit load about settling arguments with your buddies and I can tell you 1,000% that coin toss is the single dumbest fucking way to resolve anything. Midas whale take it to the roulette table or pick a number between 1-10. Maybe even Eenie Meanie Minie Moe me whydoncha. I mean if we're hosting amateur hour honestly why not just have a footrace in the middle of a parking lot. Or because it's Iowa you could have a double elimination wrestling tournament across statewide VFW halls. Make the delegates really earn their keep AM I RIGHT?Or alternatively. Before we go booking VFW halls and getting charter shuttle busses to Jumer's casino on the Iowa/Illinois border, we could sensibly resolve all this Iowa nonsense with Paper Scissors Rock, the single greatest argument settling game of all time. The Joe Montana of settling arguments. You get to impact things through individual choice. You get to decide if you're paper, scissor or rock. Compare that to letting someone else just pick tails. You get no choice as you become heads. PSR you get to go Rock as many times as you want. You go out on your own terms.

Then there's the inherent Series Factor. Best of 3. Best of 5. Best of 27 if you want. It's dealer's choice and entirely between the participants. 

Then there's the speed. You can crank out PSR right here, right now. No props needed, just a couple of functioning hands and brains. 

Most importantly though, there's no controversy in PSR. Once you establish the cadence in which you shoot, there's no coming back. It's just you and your opponent, one-on-one, feeling the competitive juices. When it's all said and done, you take your win or loss and you go home. There's no appeals or arguments. No coming back from the dead. It's the single most effective way to settle an argument and it kills me my good natured friends in Iowa are too stupid to realize that.