Walmart Needs To Cool Their Jets With The Paul Walker Jokes

I think we've all gotten a wee too excited about cinnamon rolls at a point in time in our respective lives. Let he who has not sped recklessly towards a store in search of that delicious breakfast treat cast the first stone. Might I remind you to only cast a stone and NOT a goddamn boulder.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph. The internet is telling me this is a line from WORKAHOLICS. What only a small part of the internet is telling me is that this is, indeed, a quote from WORKAHOLICS which took place during an episode that dropped TWO YEARS before Paul Walker, yanno, crashed his automobile and died. If a regular person tweeted this, I'd have no qualms with it. But it's a brand. I've seen the Houston Rockets social media manager get fired for tweeting a gun emoji next to a horse emoji after they beat the Dallas Mavericks. Which was a real thing that happened in the real world and wasn't merely a fever dream of yore. Walmart can't put on their smug happy yellow face and start tweeting out Paul Walker bombs to the masses, WORKAHOLICS reference or not. That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works. I don't know what the punishment should be. You'll never see me call for another social media manager's job. But still, it's a deed that deserves punishment and I think my internet pal Robbie came up with the perfect punishment.

I love it. You do anything mildly wrong in society, boom, banned from baseball. As long as a serious crime hasn't been committed, but clearly you've done something that the rest of civilization does not care for you'll never find yourself on the diamond another day of your life. Jaywalking? Banned from baseball. Going out of turn at a four way intersection? You and Altuve can head down to the unemployment office together, bub.