Your Favorite Pair Of Underwear vs Your Favorite Cup...Which Is More Important?
For full discussion on the podcast, listen to today's Mailtime
Today is the worst day of the month for me. No, rent isn’t due. No, I don’t owe my child support. No, none of that. Today is the worst day of the month because I’m down to my last pair of boxers. My Last Stand Boxers.
Every guy knows that pair of boxers. They suck. For whatever reason – they are too small, fit weird, the elastic at the top has ripped, etc.
You hold off on wearing them to the last possible second.
They get stuffed to the back corner of the top drawer of your dresser. Side note- I don’t trust anyone who keeps socks and underwear in any other drawer besides the top one. Imagine grabbing boxers from like the 3rd drawer down? What are you fucking NUTS?? Socks and underwear in the top drawer, T-shirt’s in the second drawer, long sleeve shirts and sweatshirts and whatnot 3rd and 4th, pants in the bottom. That’s how the dresser of a well adjusted, contributing member of society should look. Anyway, those Last Stand Boxers sit there by themselves (I’ve decided if you personify a “pair” of boxers they will be referred to in the plural form) like the fat kid at recess. Just begging to get selected to play. Left all alone like a goddam leper. And the only time they do get chosen is because you’re forced to, and nobody is happy about it.
When I know I’m down to my Last Stand Boxers I go to bed at night dreading the morning. I know I have a full day of underwear discomfort ahead of me. But you know what? It’s a love/hate relationship with the LSB’s. As terrible as they might be, they are always there for you. When the alternatives are going commando or flipping an old pair inside out, your LSBs call out to you from the back corner of the drawer: “I’m here, and I’m clean. It might not be the best choice of your life, but I’m better than that trashy pair in your hamper.”
Wearing your Last Stand Boxers is a lot like hitting up your ex-girlfriend for a booty call. You’re not too thrilled about doing it, but its better than stooping to some floozy that you know for certain is dirty. I dunno how it works for chicks. I'm sure they have favorite thongs. Certain ones that are the most comfortable or look the best. I guess Granny Panties are like the equivalent of Last Stand Boxers. When you're not trying to look sexy or dont care what your ass looks like, you grab those babies and put on your diaper. I guess? I'm not quite sure how it works for the girls.
The only thing that can compare to your underwear preferences is your dish preferences. Cups and silverware and whatnot. Everyone has a favorite cup. Your go-to cup. Maybe its a mug. Maybe its a pint glass. A tumbler. Who knows. Its different for everyone. But its a glass that just works for you. Its the right size, the right shape. Maybe it fits in your hand perfectly or has a perfect handle. Usually the most important part is that it holds the right amount. The perfect volume. You and your cup have a bond.
I've had several Go To Cups in my life. As a kid it was this green plastic mug with a Troll on the side. "Super Troll" to be exact. It was inside the claw machine game at Fantasy Island on Long Beach Island. They were so easy to grab with the claw because of the handle so I won like 10 of them. And over the next 15 years I drank from ONLY those cups. One by one they'd dwindle but I'd always maintain one of them. I also had a mug specifically for hot chocolate. A ceramic mug with an Irish blessing on it that was PERFECT for Swiss Miss
Ohhhhh MAMA that mug was BIG and it was perfect. Obviously its a beer mug but your boy was guzzling like 32 ounces of soda and hot chocolate out of that bitch. Troll cup or Irish mug every time. Nowadays as an adult, I have my copper mugs. An insulated Moscow Mule cup that keeps my drink cold as FUCK. But really it can be even the most simple drinking glass. Doesnt have to be anything special. Can just be the way it looks that draws you to it. And just as much as you may love a certain cup, you may HATE other cups. Like for instance I have these fucking BLUE GOBLETS from when I was married. For some reason we had these fucking glass chalices on our wedding registry:
Terrible. These things FUCKING SUCK. They hold like 1 ounce of liquid. They are heavy as fuck. Totally ridiculous. Unless we're in the Middle Ages I dont think we should be drinking from a GOBLET. Just a total waste of my time. I have like a dozen of them that are on my top top top shelf, like 8 feet off the ground, just collecting dust. Totally shunned by me and anyone in my house.
Its not just cups. Silverware too. I have about 3 or 4 different types of knives and forks and spoons in the drawer and I gravitate towards this one type every time. A much heavier metal. Its a more substantial metal or some shit, I dont know. All I know is the forks with the wider handle and the longer spikes is WAY better than that thin piece of shit flimsy spoon.
Bottom line is, when your underwear is on point and the dish washer has just been run and you have full access to all your favorite dishes, all is right in the world. Theres a lot of shit you cant control but you can control your underwear and your cups. Make sure those two things bring you happiness and the rest will fall into place.
I mean thats probably not true, the rest of your life could undoubtedly still suck. But at least you'll be comfortable and have a nice drink in your hand.