Barstool Chicago Welcomes Deadspin

I can hear the moving trucks unloading in Logan Square as I type this. One vintage piece of furniture after another while Radiohead moans from a giveaway bluetooth speaker. 

And I don't want to spend too much time on the speaker but worth speculating that it was the door prize at last year's Society of Professional Journalists convention. Membership is rumored to be down 20-25% so they handed out a bunch of these to boost millenial morale and engagement:

"Your Life Sucks" - Me.

Although realistically Chicago is a significantly better place to work than New York. I don't want to make this about me, but you guys out East suck. So for all the Deadspin fans out there that have been looking for a big win over the last however long you've needed it, here it is: Your living situation has drastically upgraded. 

Unfortunately for you guys, the good news kinda ends there. The True Cost Of Living for you losers is about to skyrocket because nobody here identifies with the whiny, me-first attitudes. And even worse, not a lot of circle-jerk friendly coffee shops in the greater Chicago area. 

I didn't say they were nonexistent. Just that they're hard to come by.

What I don't understand though is that Deadspin exclusively sticks to sports now and OH MY GOD that's Barstool Chicago's music. 

We're the sports guys in town. You don't get to put your feet up on our coffee table while we're out here interviewing Jeff Fisher about how to fly-fish steelhead salmon. That's not how this fucking works guys. 

But I don't want to discourage you as that would be very Un-Midwestern. So let me instead just say I'm very excited to see your Chicago Fire and expanded MLS coverage.