The Cowboys Are Interviewing Mike McCarthy And Marvin Lewis Today While Jason Garrett Is Still Technically Their Head Coach

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Ahhhh, nothing like some casual cucking playing out on the timeline during a Saturday morning. I know people have been saying that Jason Garrett hasn't been fired yet because the Cowboys are either trying to have him save face since Jerry Jones obviously loves him or to block Garrett from going to the Giants (Please God let this be true). But I like to picture the Jones-Garrett relationship as the football version of Jan Levinson Gould and Michael Scott. From the fiery breakups to the passionate makeups to Garrett sleeping on a little couch at the foot of Jerruh's bed every night no matter what.

In case Garrett somehow keeping his job longer than any active coach that hasn't won a Super Bowl wasn't crazy enough, now he's watching Jerry interview his potential replacement. I'm not even talking figuratively, either. I bet Garrett is getting glasses of water for the interviews, giving a few claps of encouragement, then kneels back down so he can be an ottoman for Jerruh to rest his feet on as he interviews maybe the only two coaches from the last decade that may be more famous than Garrett for coming up short in the playoffs. God I love the Cowboys.

That being said, fuck the Cowboys.

P.S. If you told me Garrett was sentenced to be Cowboys coach forever but would constantly have to worry about his job as a Shakespearean punishment by the Football Gods for purposely tanking the offense at the end of Wade Phillips' tenure as coach so Phillips would get fired and he'd get promoted, I would believe you.