Today in the Blake Bortles Wikipedia Club: Footspeed
Fresh off a huge Rams win on Sunday night, Los Angeles QB and one of Pardon My Take’s longest recurring guests Blake Bortles joined today’s show. The last time we checked in with the 2018 Blake of the Year, he had just broken the internet after shaving his head. Today, we discussed the NFL season, the Civil ConFLiCT, and another edition of the Blake Bortles Wikipedia Club. Today’s topic: Footspeed,
Via Wikipedia: Footspeed, or sprint speed, is the maximum speed at which a human can run. It is affected by many factors, varies greatly throughout the population, and is important in athletics and many sports, such as association football, rugby football, American football, track and field, hockey, baseball and basketball.
Mr. Cat: Blake, when you were growing up, were you the fastest kid?
Blake Bortles: No, never. I was never good at running unless somebody was chasing me. Somebody sent me a thing the other day of me running the 40 at the combine and it looked like chasing Shooter McGavin for Happy Gilmore’s jacket, it’s just not a good look. Naturally, running was never my thing.
Mr. Cat: You’re like my dog, Stella. She won’t run at parks unless another dog chases her.
Mr. Commenter: What’s the fastest 40 you’ve ever run?
Blake Bortles: We had a defensive line coach at my high school, it was an older fellow, so a little late twitched and partially blind, clocked me at a 4.6 one time.
Mr. Cat: OMG. We’re looking at the video right now. You have so much hair in your combine video. Oh man you looked good. Your 10-yard split was 1.72 and then you slowed down a little, but that’s OK, not a speed guy.
Blake Bortles: No, no. 10-yard increments. The hammy is locked up a bit after the 20-yard mark.
Mr. Cat: Don’t think this is mean, but you look like a different person with hair. Oh and you are also already bald. You can see the shadow at the top of his head.
Mr. Commenter: I think you look better now, Blake.
Mr. Cat: I do, too. I wouldn’t draft that guy. I would draft the guy right now.
(Small discussion about who the fastest guy Blake has ever played with is. He answers Brandin Cooks and then goes on how he was in awe of Lamar Jackson’s speed as well.)
Mr. Commenter: There are two different types of foot speed. There’s the slow twitch and then there’s the fast twitch, which is what I assume Lamar Jackson has, but maybe you’re a distance guy. What’s your best mile time?
Blake Bortles: I ran cross-country in elementary school, I think I broke six minutes one time, maybe seven. I couldn’t tell you to be honest. Six and a half sounds good.
Mr. Commenter: You ran cross-country in elementary school?
Blake Bortles: Our parents made us. We were also maybe getting a little bit on the heavy end, so this was their way of making us exercise.
Mr. Cat: What was a young Blake Bortles’ favorite afternoon snack when he gets home from school?
Blake Bortles: I was a big Swiss Rolls guy. Swiss Rolls and Zebra Cakes.
Mr. Cat: Oh, was your house the house, like their parents would just get everything? And it was like a convenience store.
Blake Bortles: We always had good snacks and the fridge was always stocked with Gatorade. So people robbed us every time we had friends over.
Mr. Cat: Now that I’m thinking about that, I feel like every house in Florida is like that.
Mr. Commenter: Just Zebra Cakes and Gushers?
Mr. Cat: Yeah, like everyone knows the one house, but Florida has all the houses like that.
Not to toot my own horn, but based off the damage done in my pantry when my friends were over, I’d like to think I had *that* house with the great snacks out of the friend group. And Mr. Cat isn’t wrong, it could be a Florida thing. Household pantries where kids lived really were gold. Fruit Roll-Ups, Gushers, Cheez-It, Oreos, and Zephyrhills water. Nothing better.
But back to Blake, I always saw him as an Oatmeal Creme Pie or Twinkie kind of guy. Clearly, the Swiss Rolls have led him to a great career at UCF, a solid ride in the NFL, and most importantly, of course, a BOTY title.