My Friends Think I'm In A Cult

It's true. It's actually become a running joke. If you watch my IG stories and see the word "cult" or "Illuminati", now you know why. 

A little background. I'm a member of Equinox. It's a boujie ass place. Sometimes the level of ridiculous opulence makes even me uncomfortable. 

How boujie is it? There are multiple mini fridges around the facility stocked with damp eucalyptus towels. There are people who come around and offer you dry towels to wipe your sweat. They have cranio facial specialists to "get you into a meditative space" to prepare you for your $200 deep tissue sports massage. Listen, I get that this sounds ridiculous. As I type this, I can't stop smirking. But I also LOVE this shit. Truth be told, I am VERY easily sold on the latest health and wellness trends. 

The cherry on top of the absurdity is that at some locations, (like the new location at Hudson Yards) they have "at least 6" legit security guards roaming around at all times to "watch out for fires" i.e, keep out the Riff-raff. 

Because I guess its uber fancy and expensive, my friends believe that I am a part of some Equinox funded Illuminati style cult. They constantly hound me about the "mastermind" meetings that go on inside the steam room, and ask me to grab them a copy of "The Secret" from the boutique shop inside. 

To be fair, Herbalife is ALSO considered to be a cult. I defended them as well when I was selling (not very successfully) their caffeinated "fat burning black tea" and aloe along with their medium quality protein powder during my time in Los Angeles. It definitely had CULT vibes. So I guess I'm not all that qualified to determine whether Equinox is in fact a cult. Maybe when I leave for LA Fitness or something, it will all become more clear. 

Full disclosure, Equinox, is VERY intense about the commitment a member is making when they join. 

 "Its not fitness, its Life". 

Is it Sedona sweat lodge, jumping off of cliffs and for real drinking the Kool-Aid? Is it Tom Cruise level scientology shit? No. 

But because of this, every time I post a video from the gym, I make sure to play it way up and lean ALL the way into it. I'm now receiving DMs FROM STRANGERS asking me to introduce them to the leader of the cult that is Equinox. I am not sure who the messiah is of this global brand of fancy but I've got my eyes peeled, and I'll let you know when I find him/her.