All Geese Are Assholes

(BBC) – Police in Radford said a taxi driver got a major surprise when a goose smashed through a window and landed in the back of their cab.

They joked the bird, which was subsequently checked by a vet, may have been trying to get to Nottingham’s Goose Fair.

I’m not one to question the fine men and women of the Radford Police Department but them thinking this is a laughing matter is alarming to say the least. Make no mistake about it this wasn’t an accident perpetrated by this “lone wolf” goose. This was a declaration of war. Shattered glass, dropping hot turds all over the joint. The first of many acts of aggression I anticipate we’ll see over the next few months eventually culminating in some great Goose v. Mankind level winner-take-all slobberknocker for the ownership of planet Earth.

Every single goose that has ever lived is an asshole. I don’t care how many geese I offend with that statement. Because facts don’t have emotions attached to them. Any goose who would like to prove they are a good guy can feel free to write down their thoughts on a piece of paper, then take that paper and stick it STRAIGHT UP THEIR CANDY ASS.

Do your part and punch the next goose you see in square the face. Humanity depends on it.