Soon You Will Be Able To Have Samuel L. Jackson Yell And Curse At You Through Your Alexa

CNN- Alexa is about to get real Samuel L. Jackson. Amazon will introduce Jackson as the first celebrity voice for its Alexa virtual assistant later this year, the company said Wednesday. For 99 cents, you can hear the Hollywood star read you the news, give you a weather report and even tell jokes.
But Jackson wouldn’t be who he is if he weren’t a little explicit, right? Don’t worry. Amazon is leaning into the actor’s essence. That’s probably why this new feature is rated mature. Users can choose whether or not they would like Jackson to use explicit language. And it’s OK if they change their minds later. They can just head over to the settings menu of the Alexa app to select between clean and explicit content.

Call me a simple man with simple pleasures. But I consider being able to have Samuel L. Jackson tell me it’s a shitty day outside or a joke with a curse word punchline the greatest technological achievement in Amazon, nay, human history. I imagine Mr. Jackson will be the first of many celebrity voices on Alexa. But I don’t think they will be able to top this one no matter who Amazon brings into the fold. Granted, this is coming from a grown ass man who still will laugh for hours playing R-rated Mad Libs or watching cartoons where the audio is a rap song.

Which is why getting the fuuuuurious anger of Samuel L. Jackson’s voice for less than a buck is such a bargain. Because not only is the entertainment value through the roof, but your productivity could increase tenfold as well. It’s easy to snooze an alarm when it’s just a digital ring or the soothing voice of a woman telling you to get up. However, when this guy is telling you to wake your ass up, there is no way you are going back to sleep.

I have also reached the point of parenthood where I rely on Alexa to help raise my kids since my four-year-old believes the answers the robot in the room gives over anything I say (rightfully so, may I add). Which is why I will make sure to program Uncle Samuel L. Alexa to unleash the fire of a thousand suns on her whenever she refuses to go to bed on time or eat all her dinner. Then you know who gets to be the good cop and tell her that the Alexa in her room won’t hurt her as long as she closes her eyes? Her big, fluffy* daddy.

*This is her cute kid way of saying “Fat”.