Thomas Middleditch from 'Silicon Valley' Says Swinging Saved His Marriage

Source – Actor Thomas Middleditch, known for his role on the HBO comedy Silicon Valley and Verizon commercial star, recently revealed that “swinging” parties “saved his marriage.”

In an interview published this week, Middleditch told Playboy that when he first married wife Mollie Gates in 2015, he insisted that he did not want to stop trolling for other women. But instead of making it a deal-breaker, he claims she decided to work with him on his proclivities.

“I don’t know how much I can say, because I don’t want my wife to be mad at me,” Middleditch told the magazine. “Only after I got married was I like, ‘Mollie, I’m sorry, but we have to get nontraditional here.’ To her credit, instead of saying ‘Fuck you, I’m out,’ she was like, ‘Let’s figure this out.’”

The Zombieland: Double Tap actor went on to insist that attending swinging parties with his wife was their solution and the agreement saved their marriage.

“To be honest, swinging has saved our marriage,” Middleditch continued. “We have different speeds, and we argue over it constantly, but it’s better than feeling unheard and alone and that you have to scurry in the shadows. By the way, it’s now called being ‘part of the lifestyle.’ The term swinging is old.” …

[He] also insisted that he and his wife have crafted “rules” for their swinging.

“We’re not off on our own; we’re together, a unit,” he explained. “It’s a perpetual state of management and communication, to the point where it’s like, ‘All right, we’ve got to stop. Chill.’ I’m gas, and she’s brakes. This is actually the premise for a comedy series we’re writing together.”

First of all, let’s get right down to the obvious: Mollie Gates is not only really cute, she is the coolest wife in America. Being told by her husband he wants to butter his toast on the other side, and her response isn’t to recoil in horror and cry for six months? It’s “Let’s figure this out,” like they’re remodeling the kitchen? She deserves the Nobel Prize in Wifery.

Second, this answers a question I’ve always had about these couples which is, how do they ever introduce the topic? I mean, there’s no casual way to pop that particular question. I mean, you can’t sort of build up to it. “Honey, I want to shake hands with Stacey.” “Do you like Bob? Would you consider giving him a hug next time he’s over?” and  eventually you get her used to the idea of swapping with Stacey and Bob. It just can’t work that way. To me it always seemed like basejumping or a magician catching a bullet in his teeth. The only way to know if it’ll work is to try it. If it works, great. If it fails, it’ll fail spectacularly. And there’s no recovering once you do.

Still, while I’m not going to judge, I think swinging is one of those things that sounds great in theory, but the execution is far, far different. Like nude beaches. You hear those words and your mind immediately conjures up images of the extras from “Baywatch,” fitness models, aspiring actresses and body builders, suits off playing volleyball or whatever. But I’ll be the reality is more like a cross section of WalMart shoppers naked. Like I’ve been to beaches in the Caribbean where German tourists take their clothes off and invariably the ones who do are the last ones anyone would actually want to see do it. They all look like they were shotputting for the East German Olympic team back before The Wall fell.

But my biggest objection to swinging is that it has to be a nightmare not only for a relationship, but for your own self-esteem. It’s hard enough making friends with another couple. I don’t know how a matrix works, but when you’ve got four people that’s like six or eight separate friendships that all have to work. All of them. Like if one wife finds the other’s husband an annoying bore, the whole structure collapses. No word of a lie: The Irish Rose has a girlfriend I like who’s husband seems like solid guy. Then one day we were all hanging out talking and he said, “There’s one thing you said that I don’t get. Who’s Bill Belichick.” He was dead serious. He had no idea. Nice guy. He’s good to my wife. But nope. We can’t be couples friends with them.

But as to your self-esteem, how do you handle it when one half of the couple is way less attractive than the other? For these purposes I’m assuming at a party where everyone swaps spouses and goes off for commitment-free sex that it’s all about physical beauty and not how well read you are or whether you take in rescue pets. Trust me, I feel weird enough about being with a woman who’s like 3.5 points higher than me on the looks scale when we’re monogamous for 26 years. I’d feel bad about some husband getting her while his wife gets me. Like I’d have to make some throw-ins on the deal. Cash considerations and a husband to be named later. I assume Thomas Middleditch is a fairly handsome cat, but even if he’s not, he’s got the cache of being on TV and movies. It’s not like I can sweeten the deal by bragging about my Antonio Brown FartGate blogs.

So yeah, letting strangers bone your spouse while you bone theirs is not for everybody. But as long as it works for Middleditch, great for him And for whatever husband is lucky enough to pull Mollie Gates keys out of that hat.

P.S. Like you, I’m surprised every time I hear Playboy mentioned in the present tense. I wonder if they’re still doing photo spreads on Bond Girls and interviews with Norman Mailer. And yet they’ll probably outlast Deadspin.