Mike Fiers Fucks

What a goddamn move by Mike Fiers as the A’s continue to battle for a Wild Card berth in the American League! Usually facing a pitcher with two no-hitters under his belt and a cool ass last name on his birth certificate on an elevated mound is enough to make batters dig in a little extra getting into the box. But when that pitcher also happens to look like a fucking comic book supervillain, you better be ready for anything to happen. He may throw a strike past you, rifle a ball at your head, hypnotize you, take your girl for a ride on his motorcycle, or cast a spell straight from the depths of Carcosa into your soul.

Now the reason Fiers did this is because he is known to throw the occasional no-hitter as well as the occasional absolute stinker, like he did in his last start before last night (1.0 IP, 9 H, 9 ER). And his start with the facial hair didn’t quite go according to plan.

Less than 2 innings of work and an arm injury is a tough look for the weird beard look, even if its peak Mike Fiers. However, the way that beard came to be is just as incredible as the beard itself.

Add that the A’s ended up winning 8-6 and I have no choice but to declare the Cat Tail Beard a rousing success, regardless of what Fiers’ MRI says. Because as a wise man once said: