Un-fucking-believable.

I walked into the office yesterday to find something rather upsetting…

Un. be. lieve. able.

Can you believe this guy? Matty fucking tee-times trying to save face ever since his moronic move to go golfing on the first college football Saturday. I get it. Monkey see, monkey do. He clearly saw all the buzz I was getting since I brought in my own desk and wanted to replicate my success. He certainly got people talking, a lot of people saying “Ethan, you’ve gotten complacent. Ethan you’re too content”.

How was I supposed to know that Matty tee-times would just pluck a table from a random corner of HQ and get praised like he just found the cure to AIDS. I mean it’s absolutely preposterous the praise he was getting considered he just blatantly didn't do his job less than two weeks ago!

Now I’m not one to just lay down and die like most people would. No. That’s not how Ethan Kamps operates. I was gonna raise the bar. That’s just how my brain works, I hate losing more than I like winning and trust me, I’ve been losing all of my life. But not today, I wasn’t about to let Matty goddamn tee times one up me like this.

Today, my desk evolved.

So many new additions to make my area more appealing and friendlier than Olah’s fucking boring blank plastic table.

Let’s go over the new additions.

First off, the new stuff on the desk. On the left we got Sammy Savior, maybe my favorite human on earth at the moment (please don’t mention his mono, Sam is a sick man and making fun of him is utterly repulsive). In the middle is my 2005 skills challenge throwing accuracy title. It’s literally one of my most prized possessions and I’m the only person on earth that has this trophy. On the right, is a free giveaway Jacob deGrom Cy-young bobblehead I got as a reward for going to a Mets game earlier in the year, a game in which the Mets got shellacked but that’s not really a surprise.

Behind me I’ve got some pictures to truly make this feel like my own little office. Pete Alonso and Sam Darnold, a picture that nearly made my heart melt the first time I saw it because I love them both with all of my heart. Next is a personal favorite quote “No Pressure No Diamonds”, a quote that is suitable to the situation I’m in right now, only being on a month trial. Hang in there cat, a personal favorite. Finally, the optimism picture which is captioned “Optimism; the prelude to disappointment” because at the end of the day I have to remember as a Jets/Mets/Grizz fan that most of the times I get my hopes up, they come crashing down very quickly.

So it’s your move, Matty tee-times.