A Night At Citi Field With Marlins Man & Glenny Balls (Picture Blog)
Alright so before we get started I probably got a little too drunk last night celebrating the Cubs sweep. That’s on me. Sometimes you gotta let the big dog eat and that’s all I have to say about that.
Leading off – Lineup Preview. I do these before every Cubs game just to get the juices flowing.
This time and right before we were rolling, the Mets GM came up to me and Glenny and was like “Barstool love to have you guys out here thanks for coming” patted Glenny on the back and shit. And I was like “Yeah thanks a lot dude real cool” but thought he was a season ticket sales rep not the GM so I didn’t give a fuck. Then Glenny was like “Pretty cool walking into the game with him huh” and then I found out and felt like a dick and hopefully it’s a learning moment for me guys. Treat everyone like the GM.
Or at least the commissioner:
And what a perfect place to start. Better seats than the commissioner. Be on your best behavior just kidding GAS IT UP BALLS
A lot of people are saying Woah Carl That’s So Random You Went With Glenny and all of those people are stupid. It’s not random at all. Glenny and I won the Field Day competition together in May. We each got $2,000 cash from New Amsterdam and when you win a couple big ones like that doing potato sack and egg race with another man, you bond and build a bridge. It’s a fact. Mel Gibson did a whole movie on the same topic a long time ago.
Um, that’s a Kevin Coster movie dumbass
Point is Glenny and I had some magic going into the evening. Not a lot but enough to feel dangerous and my god. When you feel dangerous anything is possible.
Okay this is getting a little weird and please excuse me I legitimately haven’t slept in two days. Let me reset the stage for a second.
I was in NYC for Cubs vs. Mets to originally just go to Wednesday’s game with Big Cat. Just a quick hitter heyhowyadoin thank you Big Cat. We go to the game Wednesday and Marlins Man comes into my life for the very first time. Big Cat sniffed him out instantly.
Head nods were exchanged. The Cubs were up a billion and everyone was happy. Marlins Man comes knocking 1st row up to the poor people in row 15 behind home plate. He greets us by offering 3 free tickets behind home plate for game 3 of the series. Obviously we accept and then upon our acceptance he immediately revoked one ticket because a close girl friend of his was in town (would) and he could only give two tickets. I wasn’t there to play hardball with the guy so whatever. It’s a date.
But Big Cat already had tickets for Thursday! What a problem!!
Insert longtime best friend Balls
Insert anotherr night in NYC smelling like a bowl of ass. And while my BO was horrific, the view was fantastic:
We had a couple goals in mind – all of which you can easily guess. Cup Snakes, bullshit, get loaded, more bullshit, etc. Meet Daryl Strawberry wtf?
The snakes were a must. Didn’t have a choice. MLB Network gassing beers is my job excuse me if I have a passion for it
Rob btw. What a fucking guy. I tried to go as long as I could without talking to him and I made it like 19 minutes. I looked at Glenny and was like Dude I Can’t then spun full 180 and just said You’re Rob Manfred. He said Yes. I said I hate to say hi – can I call you Rob – k great – Rob I hate to say hi but it’s going to literally drive me insane if I don’t. Big fan of your product. I’m here doing some stuff for Barstool Sports so if I seem like a bit of a jackass it’s because I’m a big time jackass and I’m doing my best to curb it.
It was a mouthful. He hung on every word. They say great leaders are excellent listeners just saying.
Hey I like Barstool you do you’re thing.
Rob I appreciate it. (Power move once you get 1st name basis with a big timer like Rob you gotta drive it home off the bat.)
Hey one more thing Rob
…
You cool if every now and then I just wheel around and tell you what’s going on in my head? I’m great with social cues I’ll know if you hate me what do you say
Whatever you want to talk about let me know Carl. We then cheers’d our beers. I initiated obviously it’s the fucking comissioner of Major League Baseball and I wear a bicycle helmet at home when I watch Cubs games because I’m a danger to myself.
While all of this is going on, Marlins Man was pulling up some tweets about WHITE SOX DAVE
He wasn’t happy about it. So much so he texted me again today just to remind me that he hates WSD’s guts and personally I’m here for that rivalry. That’s a rivalry the world needs. That’s like an honest, good, balanced rivalry. Unfortunately we’ll never get them in the same room together though because Marlins Man has him blocked in life. Like a full on Life Block. First time I ever heard that one. Love this guy:
And then snakes
Balls was a natural
Blah blah blah
Cubs win 4-1 on a big home run nobody gives a fuck about except me so let’s keep moving
Great crew. Great night. Great fanny pack.
And shoutout Glenny got me to Citi Field in literally 15 minutes. It was a rush getting on the train but man what a New York commuter experience. 9/10 guys were housing tall boys. My kinda bad boys.
And then one more lineup preview on the plane just for good measure. Glenny and I hit the ONLY BAR at Citi Field afterwards for some aggressively priced domestics. I then did 3 hours on an airport hotel couch because I didn’t trust myself to climb in bed. I’ve been napping on the floor for years don’t get me started.
Thanks to Marlins Man for the tickets and to Barstool Corporate for presumably letting me expense the approximately $375 worth of drinks the group expensed on my credit card. You guys are awesome.