Time To Panic Colts Fans! Because Your Team Brought In Brandon Weeden, Brock Osweiler, And Matt Cassel For Workouts This Week

BAH GAWD would you look at that list of quarterbacks? Did Ryan Grigson get ahold of a Colts landline and book that trio from hell as one last fuck you to Indianapolis? Having your franchise and potential future Hall of Fame QB retire 2 weeks before the season is bad. But having any of those 3 quarterbacks tryout for your team let alone being a heartbeat away from becoming QB1 is more than enough of a reason to smash that Panic Button.

Now while Colts fans were booing Andrew Luck off the field on Saturday night, I was telling my fellow TY Hilton fantasy owners governors that everything was going to be alright because I actually believe in Jacoby Brissett for a myriad of reasons including his offensive line being a million times better than it was when he started in 2017, to Frank Reich knowing a thing or two about winning as or with a backup quarterback, to Brissett’s Twitter account being full of tweets that a leader of men (or at least a Barstool blogger) would pump out.

The biggest downside to Jacob Brissett starting are all the brisket jokes we will hear on a weekly basis.

However, assembling the NFL version of the Meme Team Laker is straight up psychological warfare. Actually I think comparing those 3 quarterbacks to the Meme Team is an insult to guys like JaVale McGee, Lance Stephenson, Michael Beasley, and Rajon Rondo that are actually good if not, ummmm, interesting players. Those three QB2s are like the meme team if they lost their talents to the Monstars.

Brandon Weeden couldn’t make it through his first national anthem without fucking up

Brock Osweiler is so bad that he couldn’t even get onto the field when the coaches told him to

And even DeAndre Hopkins couldn’t help him

While almost making the playoffs with Matt Cassel in 2008 may be the greatest coaching Bill Belichick has ever done. Better than shutting down the Bills no-huddle offense in Super Bowl XXV, better than winning the first 18 games of the 2007 season, and better than the 100 Super Bowls he has won for the Patriots. Cassel’s greatest talent was the ability to backup Heisman Trophy winners in college.

Obligatory Matt Cassel Sucks gif

Now the Colts and every fantasy team with a Colts player on it could be at the mercy of one member of that unholy trinity if Jacoby Brissett tweaks a body part or hears how awesome retirement is from his buddy Andrew Luck and calls it a career tonight. Figure it out Chris Ballard before you kill whatever fans are still alive after last Saturday night.