How Does Our Current IT Guy Stack Up? Reviewing "All Biz" AKA "All Content" Pete

Erika got this notice in the mail today.  Figured I would look into it.  I think she was kind of treating it like a joke when she tweeted it, but times are too important to laugh things off.  Cybersecurity has never been a more pressing issue and with us being an internet company, the internet is priority number 1 and something we should be taking very, very seriously.

Let’s see how our current IT guy stacks up.

1) Do they answer their phone LIVE and respond to emergencies promptly?  (within X minutes)

2) Are they easy to reach?

See above.

(Tried texting but doesn’t come up in my Messages app because he doesn’t have an iPhone.  Probably due to low salary.  Low salary earned from not being reachable.  Kind of a chicken-egg type scenario.)

3) Do they proactively monitor, patch and update your computer network’s critical security settings daily?  How do you know for sure?

In Pete’s defense, he does check up on the internet routinely and looks for security issues, as long as it’s a day that he doesn’t have a full radio/content schedule.

The last emphasized part though – how do I know for sure?  Well…I guess I don’t.  Pete could say a string of nerd words in nerd sentences and I’d have no idea what he was talking about.  My fault for not being smart enough?  Or his fault for not making sure I’m sure?

4) Do they offer proof that they are backing up all your data?

I haven’t seen any proof.  Have you seen any proof?  Asked around the office.  Nobody’s seen any proof.  I trust Pete though.  Pete’s my guy.  I’m sure he’s on top of this, definitely.

5) Do they meet with you regularly to report what they’ve been doing instead of waiting until you have a problem?

I only see Pete when Nate yells across the office that internet is down (problem), other than that, only if I’m walking by the radio studio.

Then again, that’s not my job.  I’m not his boss.  Pete’s probably my boss.  I’m sure he reports in to Erika all the time.

6)  Do they provide detailed invoices that clearly explain what we’re paying for?

Yes, big checkmark for ABP – he promptly reported all of the millions of dollars of charges he put on the company card for internet that doesn’t work, AND refused to put in a hard-wire for the internet for us to use when the Wifi doesn’t work (85-90% of the time).  Those pennies add up.

7) Do they explain what they are doing in terms you can understand, NOT in “geek speak”?

Trick question, Pete never explains what he’s doing.

8) Have they proactively discussed cybersecurity with you?

Yes absolutely, he even sent the Wifi codes and printer IPs and important passwords to us instantly over an open, easily hackable public email domain.

9) Have they provided you complete network documentation or do they hold the “keys to the kingdom”?

I feel like I’m not in a position to receive all of the company documentation.  Erika probably has it I’m sure.

10) Do they offer any guarantees on their services?

Fuck yeah they do.  The All Biz Guarantee.  This one is a definite check.  Once you get the All Biz Guarantee you KNOW your problem will be looked at by the end of the month and probably fixed by Q4.

Not to mention the All Content Guarantee that any show/broadcast/podcast he appears on will have at LEAST a 2% spike in unique visitors and downloads.  TWO guarantees, two checkmarks.

11) Do they arrive on time and dress professionally?

Always the first one here and always dressed in the same outfit – and I mean always, every day, rain or shine.  The ABP Uniform.

Well except this one time.

12) Do you look forward to seeing them and working with them?

Hell yeah I do!  ABP is one of my top 20, 25 people in this office for sure.  Top 30 no doubt about it.  His dry sense of humor and witty remarks and dedication to content even without being in content is second to none.  If anyone asked me I would personally sign off on Pete as the perfect IT guy.  There would be no Barstool Charm without ABP and thus no Barstool.