Couple of the Century Fakes Their 'Baby's' Birth & Death Using a Doll to Scam $600 Out of Family & Friends
DM – A Pennsylvania couple has been accused of faking the birth and death of their baby in order to dupe their family and friends into giving them more than $600 in donations and gifts.
Kaycee and Geoffrey Lang were both charged on Thursday with theft by deception and receiving stolen property after details of their elaborate scheme emerged. …
Friends hosted a baby shower for the couple in May and they were given a number of gifts. …
The couple revealed to family and friends on July 3 that their son, Easton Walt Lang, had been born and they even posted a photo on Facebook of the baby.
But Kaycee and Geoffrey revealed soon after that their baby boy had tragically died in the hours after the birth. …
Authorities said during their investigation, they uncovered a ‘newborn look-a-like baby doll’ in the couple’s home.
Police said the doll appeared to match the photo of the baby posted on Facebook.
Help me out, here. I’ve got some experience dealing with low rent, white trash, piece of shit couples from when I used to work in the court system. But Geoffrey and Kaycee Lang are operating at a level I never dealt with. As far as I know. And I’d remember somebody this awful.
So how does this work? I imagine one of them came up with the idea to fake a pregnancy to scam the people who care enough to allow themselves to get dragged to Kaycee’s shower. That spouse sells the idea to the other spouse. They sit up through the night with a notebook, drawing up plans to make it work. They keep finding flaws, tear out the page and throw it away. The wastebasket slowly fills with crumpled up balls of paper until finally, they come up with the perfect, foolproof scheme and put everything in motion. Maybe they give it a clever name like “Operation: Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers.” They go over all the contingencies and practice their lines. Then presto! They hatch the perfect scam. Because how could anyone ever catch a couple of criminal masterminds like the Langs.
Which begs the question, do you think they were calling this a win? Before they got found out, I mean. Before the operation failed because the hospital and the funeral home they included in the obituary are the kinds of businesses that keep records on the babies they deliver and the dead people they bury. Before all that came crashing down around them, do you think they were happy to have netted just 600 bucks? I mean, just look at that rubber doll. That thing alone had to cost a fortune. It looks real enough to be used as a fake newborn in a Go Fund Me scam. If Clint Eastwood had used it in “American Sniper” the movie might remembered more as a realistic depiction of modern war and less as a punchline.
My guess is the Langs considered this a failure. 600 bucks in cash and baby shower gifts you have to return for store credit is hardly a good haul when you consider the time and the expenses they put into it. You don’t fake a pregnancy and a pretend baby’s death unless you’re hoping for five figures at least, amirite? Otherwise the return on investment just isn’t worth the effort. All I can think is that the people in their lives appreciated what no-account, lowlife hillbilly garbage they. And assumed they were the type to scam their loves ones by faking the worst pain a human being can face, the loss of a child.
I won’t wish anything but a long prison sentence and for the Langs to be shunned by decent society forever. But if they ever do, God forbid, have a baby and the worst should happen, I guarantee you they’ll be asking “What did we ever do to deserve this???”