I Would Like To Talk To The Assholes That Ranked Midway Airport Dead Last
CHICAGO — An influential travel site rated the 50 busiest airports in the United States, and Chicago Midway International Airport was labeled as the worst.
According to The Points Guy, Midway Airport lacks airline lounges, and despite a $75 million renovation, he calls the food choices “bare bones.”
The Points Guy ranked the top five airports as:
1. San Diego International Airport
2. Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport
3. Portland International Airport
4. Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport
5. Sacramento International Airport
Chicago O’Hare International Airport came in 30th place. [Midway was last at 50th.]
Listen I didn’t wake up today looking to pick a fight with The Points Guy for being a complete and total douchebag. That’s just not my tune just kidding FUCK THESE PUSSIES. Can I say that?
I mean dead last. Midway dead last?
You want to give Midway airport dead last and try to make it out of the internet alive on my watch? I made it real clear early in my tenure at Barstool that if you come talking airports in Chicago, you better fucking believe you’re getting my full attention:
Rules of being a Midway guy says any time you are talking about an airport you have to make sure everyone knows you’re a Midway guy. You have to open yourself up for that debate. So here I am. Come and get me. I’ll die on a hill with my Midway people, defending it’s superiority til my last breath.
As the only guy in the history of Chicago (south of Madison thank you very much) to work for Barstool Sports, it’s my obligation to let the audience know that The Points Guy review on Midway and airports in general simply can’t be trusted.
There aren’t any lounges here except for a USO lounge, for members of the military and their families only,
OH BOO HOO YOU ELITES
Sorry we look out for the troops.
TPG: The bathrooms were relatively clean but were in definite need of renovation. When I went to dry my hands under the machine, it sounded like someone was screaming.
I’m seething, a word you only use when you’re actually seething, defined as: filled with intense but unexpressed anger. You guys will never know how pissed off I really am right now. IN DEFINITE NEED OF RENOVATION THE POINTS GUY SAYS.
Why you ask?
IT’S TOO LOUD
…
I’M INCONVENIENCED
…
THIS IS DISAPPOINTING
…
I EXPECT MORE
uh excuse me sir this is a Wendys an airport what were you expecting?
TPG: No self-respecting New Yorker would ever eat at an Einstein Bros. Bagels, but they had one, if you were so inclined.
Ohhhhhh we godda new yawka on owera hands.
TPG: As to be expected, pickup was a mess. There were plenty of signs for Lyft but none for Uber, so I wasn’t sure if I were even in the right place.
You were. No free ads just saying Lyft in Chicago and Uber in Chicago is like the Brown line vs. the Red line minus the violent crime. But that’s not the point. point is Points Guy doesn’t have Lyft downloaded so Points Guy’s mad he’s gotta enter new credit card info and all that bullshit.
I’d be mad too. Just don’t take it out on Chicago.
TPG: When my Uber did arrive, I got in the car, and an airport employee began very rudely yelling at the driver. There were no signs that said pull up to the front, so she pulled over where she saw me. The staffer told her, though, that if she did that again, she would give her a fine. It was a really uncomfortable situation but could have been avoided if they just had signs that told the drivers where to go.
Just not that safe of a space guys. I get it. Totally avoidable which brings me back to this.
I didn’t wake up today looking for a fight. I woke up today just like any other day in search of answers and complete truth. Do I want to fuck some people up along the way? Fine. So be it.
But after reading through the review and rankings, I didn’t know people came that soft. Like honestly and sincerely I thought those types of people were make believe.
They’re not.
The Hand Dryer is too loud.
For more complete rankings on where the biggest softest whiniest loser brats like to fly out of, click one of the links above. I’m too disgusted to go hunting for it.