I Hate How Much I Love That Asdrubal Cabrera Chose To Sign With The Nationals Instead Of The Mets For The Rest Of The Season Because The Mets Ghosted Him This Winter For Jed Lowrie

God dammit. I really wanted to avoid falling back in love with Asdrubal Cabrera now that he’s playing for another division rival during this unexpected playoff push. But how can you possibly not respect the shit out of someone that refused to sign with a team he was comfortable with out of nothing but spite alone? Now the Mets have turned The Assman into a baseball version of John Wick hellbent on revenge for ghosting his ass this winter for a guy who I don’t think ever actually put on a Mets uniform. And if you don’t think that the Baseball Gods have wiped Jed Lowrie off of the Earth because they broke little Meyer Cabrera’s heart or that Meyer won’t haunt the Mets for a decade straight when he inevitably becomes the next son of a former Major Leaguer to go pro, you simply don’t know baseball Suzyn.

Luckily the newest Mets that happen to be local guys either by pure coincidence or the Wilpons looking to sell more tickets can take our mind off the Assman for now by getting fans fired up by conjuring up some of the rare good Mets memories of the past, whether it’s Joe Panik dropping a fun fact that he actually played at Citi Field before the Mets

Marcus Stroman unveiling a FIRE throwback Darryl Strawberry jersey

Or Brad Brach talking about being at Game 3 of the 2015 World Series

If I had any more brick walls to run through, I would. But my house looks like the Kool Aid Man’s house after an all-night bender following Pete Alonso’s LFGM tweet.

Hit it, Tank!

Speaking of LFGM, it wouldn’t be a big Mets news day without the franchise screwing things up just a tad by creating a hype video that clearly edits out the F in Pete Alonso’s LFGM speech

or just so happening to waive my guy Hechy the DAY before he was about to receive a $1 million roster bonus

You can say it was all a coincidence that a Major League 2nd baseman became available just after Robinson Cano got hurt and on Hechy’s 99th day on the big league roster. But when it comes to the Wilpons, fool me 100 times shame on me. I know people will say Hechy was roughly 0 for his last 1 million. But I’d rather have his platinum glove, bat flips, ability to play multiple positions, and gold chains over Luis Guillorme’s left handed bat. But that could just be me defending My Guy and saying fuck the Wilpons since I’d rather that $1 million go towards a guy who has been there before instead of to the Wilpon Labor Day Spectacular.

No matter what, tonight begins a crazy playoff run only the craziest of Mets fans could have seen coming. Lets Fucking Go Mets and here’s to hoping The Assman doesn’t go full Keyser Soze on us now that he’s wearing that Walgreens W after giving us such great memories.