Adam Gase Hit the Smelling Salts on the Sidelines and I Think We're All Doomed

Just when you thought Adam Gase was getting by on 20 hours a day of Kuerig fuel, adrenaline and pure, weapons-grade Adam Gase testosterone straight from his clanging, titanium alloy testicles, it turns out he’s got a little bit more in his system.

There’s never an end to this rageaholic’s search for the perfect rageahol. And when he needs a dose of Coach’s Little Helper to give him that competitive edge, he reaches for the power boost he needs: Smelling salts. Ammonia Carbonate. Sure, it’s designed to wake up a full grown unconscious adult. And about 10 years ago, Michael Strahan said that probably 80-to-90 % of all players use it to stay alert. But it’s not just for 300 feral maniacs in a collision sport anymore. Sometimes it’s just what the doctor ordered when you’re working out that down & distance math or deciding the right time to dial up a Cover-0 blitz.

And this is just Week 1 of the preseason. His Gateway Game. Who can say what he’ll graduate to once the games count and jobs are on the line to give him that little bump every coach needs? A couple of gallons of 5-Hour Energy, maybe? Some B-12 injections? Diet pills? A few Poppers maybe? An oxygen mask like Dennis Hopper in “Blue Velvet”? That Compound V the Supes all take in “The Boys”?

Molly, perhaps? It’s been suggested before:

Probably none of the above. Adam Gase has all he needs with his own natural body chemistry, mixed with the stuff cornermen use to revive their knocked out fighters. It’s probably what he was taking when he won that power struggle with Mike Maccagnan, so why switch now when it’s so obviously working. And the other 31 coaches in the league better check themselves because he’s got smelling salts and he is not afraid to use them.