I Would Gladly Get Held Hostage If I Got A Free Grilled Cheese Out Of It
Source – Four people are accused of holding a man against his will for several hours.
Aransas Pass police said four people held a man at gunpoint Sunday evening in the 900 block of S. Arch Street. According to police, the suspects held the victim at gunpoint while searching his phone and demanding answers to work-related issues.
After several hours, the suspects decided to release the victim and then offered him a grilled cheese sandwich.
So let me get this straight real quick–a group of people barged in to a man’s home, told him to just sit there and chill out while they searched through his phone, and then few hours later they made him a grilled cheese and just left? That sounds like a delightful way to spend an afternoon, if you ask me. I mean, sure, the “behind held at gunpoint” aspect here might make the day a little more stressful than it needed to be. But you take the gun being pointed at you away from this story and it sounds like a dream scenario.
For starters, getting held hostage seems to be an easy way to get out of any sort of obligations you have for at least the next week or so. Imagine when this dude’s boss called up and was like, “Johnson! Why weren’t you at work today?” and then he could turn right around and say, “Yeah sorry, boss. I couldn’t make it. A group of 4 people pointed a gun at my face and held me hostage”. That at least has to earn you a 5-day weekend. Seems worth it to me.
Secondly, you get a grilled cheese out of the whole ordeal. Obviously this extra perk of the deal relies heavily upon the culinary capability of your captors. Like if you have a bunch of gross slobs over there making you a sloppy grilled cheese using Wonder Bread and Kraft singles, it’s not necessarily going to outweigh the whole “being held at gunpoint” portion of the deal. But if one of these psychopaths is the next Carl Casper and can make pure magic out of simple ingredients like bread and cheese?
Well then you might end up inviting this guy to come over to your house more often. And the thing to keep in mind here is that I feel like these crooks wouldn’t offer to make a grilled cheese for the man they just held hostage if they weren’t supremely confident in their grilled cheese making abilities. So I think when these folks eventually go to court for aggravated kidnapping, the judge needs to take into consideration the review of the grilled cheese. If it was a 7.8 or higher, you must acquit.