Cubs vs. Cardinals (LIVE BLOG): Nick Castellabos Would HIt 35 More Llabos At Wrigley

Alexa Enhance

Alexa ENHANCE

For clarity:

yellow = double

red = home run

pink = flyball out

I’m not trying to get my shorts all worked up but at the same time I’m staring at a goddamn map of Castellabos that literally seems endless. I mean no shit Comerica Park is a fucking wasteland for hitters everywhere but this is off the rails. This is two different baseball players with two completely different sets of statistics. I mean how could you not argue that Nick Castellabos is the best player of all time when in a Cubs’ uniform?

Who else does that kind of damage?

And maybe another 50 or so hitters but after that really no one else. That’s my honest assessment.

Moving Right Along.

The Cubs have a game tonight against the Cardinals. It’s going to suck. Be prepared.

Now when I say suck though, let’s be specific. The Cubs are a fine ball club as are the Cardinals. It should, for all intents and purposes, be a good baseball game.

HOWEVER

What sucks is that I’m trading days off my life watching this team play. I feel like Matthew McConnaughy in that trippy space movie he did Interstellar where he goes on that one planet for like 2 hours then comes back 75 years later.

That’s me watching Cubs games in the birds nest and I know I’m not alone. I’ve tried everything to calm me down too. Cigarettes. Lunch meat. Yoga.

Nothing works anymore. It’s like I used all my good baseball karma on rally dips in July 2013 when we called up Junior Lake. Goddamnwhat a 2nd half start

That’s a 5-4 record out of the gate and it sent me down a schedule rabbit hole, mapping out how .700+ winning baseball could take the Cubs to the wildcard.

I was that sad. That pathetic.

I don’t give a fuck.

I’m here 6 years later holding the bag on the biggest sleeping giant in Major League Baseball. You got a 1-8 right now that looks like goddamn murderers row.

Sure maybe on paper lately not so much but you just forgot it goes

Heyward

Contreras

Bryant

Rizzo

Baez

Castellabos

Schwarber

Happ

Say your prayers ladies. We’ve been playing 16-inch softball for most of the year but this is different. This is a bold acknowledgement that defense can take a back seat while we figure out how to score more than 4 runs on a consistent basis and still win baseball games.

Who knows if it works but like I said before and I’ll say again – Theo Epstein did exactly what you’re supposed to at the trade deadline. He got 3 relievers, ditched most of the dead weight, picked up Tony Kemp and traded for a “premium” bat depending on your definition of the word but I digress.

Point is he did his fucking job and now it gets passed back to the players.

Hopefully they step up to the literal and figurative plate because August looks like a goddamn blood bath:

Good thing we’ve got the best home run hitter ever to help us get through it.