Lights... Camera... Blaxploitation!

I have to review Quentin Tarantino’s newest film, Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, with the Lights Camera Barstool boys next week.  As is the case with all of their podcasts, we have to do some sort of ranking along with the review, and this next edition calls for Jeff, Kenjac, Trill, and I to rank all of Quentin Tarantino’s movies in order from #10 to #1.

I’m a fan of Quentin’s work, but I realized I haven’t seen all of his movies…  Specifically, I hadn’t seen one- Jackie Brown.  So I sat down last night to watch it OnDemand. 

For the 2 people who care, I will save the review and ranking for whenever LCB airs, but I at least wanted to dust off an old blog theme because the star of Jackie Brown fits the definition of Ass From The Past perfectly. 

So this week’s (B)AFTP is the legendary Pam Grier…

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Pamela Suzette Grier is of mixed ancestry consisting of African-American, Hispanic, Chinese, Filipino, and Cheyenne heritage.

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She did some modeling as a child until an agent encouraged her to pursue acting.  In 1968 she moved to Los Angeles where she lived with her aunt and cousin, pro-football player and actor Roosevelt (Rosey) Grier who was part of the LA Ram’s “Fearsome Foursome”, along with Deacon Jones, Merlin Olsen, and Lamar Lundy (considered one of the best defensive lines in football history) and ALSO Rosie was in one of the greatest movies of all time…  One that I am tempted to remake with Willie Colon…

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I could probably write a separate blog on Rosie Grier because outside of his extraordinary career in the NFL and his mediocre career in Hollywood, Rosie also worked as a bodyguard for Senator Robert Kennedy during the 1968 presidential campaign.  Grier was guarding Ethel Kennedy when Senator Kennedy was shot.  And although unable to prevent the assassination, Rosie took control of the gun and subdued the shooter, Sirhan Sirhan.

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But back to Pam.

She was essentially in the right place at the right time because she started acting during the small era of Blaxploitation Cinema, and she fit into those roles perfectly.

I don’t recommend you watch the movie Foxy Brown because it is chock filled with bad dialogue, uncomfortable nudity, terrible editing, rape, and hardcore racism…

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But that iconic role is what eventually got her the lead in Tarantino’s Jackie Brown and that role was also the inspiration for Beyonce’s watered-down version of Foxy Cleopatra in Goldmember.

Speaking of nudity, Grier has been naked on film more times than I can count.

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A Google image search of this ^ picture in particular shows just how little CGI they had in the 1970s (none), so her left nipple was surrounded with a layer of obvious brown crayon in order to balance out the size of her areolae with little-to-no-regard for the added texture of her Montgomery glands.

— Although I began writing this thing on Friday night, it is my sincere hope that it makes it past the editorial process here at Barstool Sports for Sunday morning.  That way, there’s a possibility some reader will be Googling “Pam Grier topless”, “plural of ‘areola’“, and “Montgomery glands” all before they head out for church. —

I have mentioned multiple times that Leonardo DiCaprio is number one with a bullet when it comes to his knock-list of scattered ass that he has conquered, and I used to think Cameron Diaz had the most impressive resume of any female celeb. 

I attached both of those blogs below for reference.

First for Leo…

and then for Diaz…

However, Pam has also been around the block a couple of times, and the list of dick she’s accommodated can, at the very least, hold a veiny candle to both Leo and Cameron.

Here are the highlights:

Wilt Chamberlain banged everyone with a pulse back then, including Grier. 

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Don Cornelius from Soul Train also had his turn in the box.  

– Led Zeppelin lead singer, Robert Plant had his lemon squeezed by Grier ‘til the juice ran down his leg.  Here’s a closeup on Plant’s dick for no reason…

– Stand-up comedian, Freddie Prinze dated Pam right before he and Katherine Barber gave birth to Freddie Prinze Jr and also before Fred Sr tragically blew his own head off.

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- I think she banged Don Johnson while on the set of Miami Vice in 1984… I say that only because that would be a very Don Johnson-esque thing for 1984 Don Johnson to have done.

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– She was dating Kareem Abdul Jabbar, who asked Pam to marry him BUT with the caveat that she had to convert to Islam… Which she refused to do. 

There are multiple old pictures of Kareem and Pam on the internet, but I love this pic of Jabbar and former AFTP, Denise Milani…

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– And finally, I would’ve assumed both Wilt and Kareem did the most damage to Pam’s vagina, but it was the late comedian Richard Pryor that almost destroyed her innards. 

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In her memoir, she revealed her sexual relationship with Pryor caused cocaine to enter her system. Her doctor informed her that she had a “buildup of cocaine residue” around her cervix and vagina.  He asked if perhaps Pryor put cocaine on his penis to sustain his erection but Grier was unsure.

The doctor then asked her if her mouth went numb while performing oral sex on Pryor, she said it did and he linked it to the Novocaine-like effects of cocaine that we are all pretty familiar with.  Grier eventually confronted Pryor about protecting her health, but he refused to use a condom.

Not nice, Richard.

Pryor later got engaged to another woman while he was dating Grier in 1977…  This is insulting because I can only assume Pryor’s drug-laced dick had something to do with this next fact…  Grier was diagnosed with stage-four cervical cancer in 1988 and was told she had 18 months to live.  Through vigorous treatment, she made a recovery and has been in remission for 30 years.

— I was going to go off on another tangent here because I think Richard Pryor has a couple of fast facts that are interesting.  But I have been all over the road in this blog, jumping from subject-to-subject.  Therefore, I will save Pryor for a later date. —

As is the case with most actresses, Grier’s offers to act have dwindled as she has gotten older.  Her last meaty role was as Kit Porter in the Showtime series The L-Word which ran from 2004-2009.

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The fact is, Pam is now 70 years old and has been working steadily for over 40 years.

She does voice-over work for both Call Of Duty and Grand Theft Auto and she joins a legendary throwback cast in pre-production for a movie I will undoubtedly see at some point called…

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Pam’s fascinating life story, legendary career, and mesmerizing rack give her a much-deserved membership into the AFTP club.

Welcome aboard, Sugar.

Take a report.

-Large

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If anyone cares to argue the Top 10 Quentin Tarantino Movies Of All Time before I sit down with LCB on Wednesday feel free to rank Inglorious, Django, Jackie, Pulp, Reservoir, Hateful 8, Kill Bill 1, KB2, Death Proof, and Once Upon A Time in the comments.

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The ExtraLarge that dropped on BarstoolGOLD Friday might be my favorite one yet…

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The Lights Camera Barstool podcast will drop this Thursday…