Wawa Is Going To Be The Official Hoagie Of The Baltimore Ravens, Which Is Complete And Utter Bullshit
Philly Inquirer – Wawa, the cult convenience store chain some residents in Southeastern Pennsylvania and South Jersey probably frequent more often than they call their grandparents, has entered a “multi-year” agreement to become the “official hoagie” and “proud partner of the Baltimore Ravens” in an effort to expand its brand and presence in Maryland, the store announced Monday.
The partnership means Ravens fans can expect promotions and chances to win tickets, merch, and more, in addition to Wawa signage at M&T Bank Stadium in Baltimore this fall.
Ummmm just what in the fucking heck is this all about? I’m sorry but who on god’s green Earth do the Ravens think they are even speaking about Wawa in the first place? I didn’t even know that they have Wawas in Baltimore. I didn’t even know that they call them hoagies in Baltimore.
You know how NFL coaches always say that you never speak about another man’s job? Well you never talk about another team’s convenience store either. I mean I guess this isn’t exactly the absolute worst case scenario. The Eagles play against the Ravens, what? Once every 4 years. The only other time they’d ever play against Baltimore would be in the Super Bowl and we know that’s not going to be anytime soon for the Ravens. So it’s not like Wawa is partnering up with a division rival or a team that is going to be an actual contender anytime soon. Even still though. I don’t even know if I’m as mad at the Ravens as I am disappointed in Wawa. The Ravens are just the random dude at the bar right now who didn’t know that Wawa already had a boyfriend. Wawa is the one who is running around cheating on the Eagles.
Listen. I’m all for Wawa attempting to take over the world. And in order to take over the world, they need to take over America first. And in order to take over America, they need to start branching out from just Pennsylvania. I get all of that. I really do. But to go out and partner up with a team from Baltimore? I don’t know, man. There’s a lot that Wawa can do that I can forgive them for. This one is going to be tough to get over though. We’ve got some serious trust issues to deal with. It’s going to take some time. And by take some time, I mean until like 8pm tonight when I get hungry for a quick little snack and head over to Wawa for a stuffed pretzel. I’m feeling a jalapeño cheddar tonight.