A Physicist In Tennessee Is Currently Trying To Open A Portal To Another Universe, Has Clearly Never Seen Any Movie Ever

(NBC) – At Oak Ridge National Laboratory in eastern Tennessee, physicist Leah Broussard is trying to open a portal to a parallel universe.

She calls it an “oscillation” that would lead her to “mirror matter,” but the idea is fundamentally the same. In a series of experiments she plans to run at Oak Ridge this summer, Broussard will send a beam of subatomic particles down a 50-foot tunnel, past a powerful magnet and into an impenetrable wall. If the setup is just right — and if the universe cooperates — some of those particles will transform into mirror-image versions of themselves, allowing them to tunnel right through the wall. And if that happens, Broussard will have uncovered the first evidence of a mirror world right alongside our own.

I believe there should be two fundamental rules we, as a collective human race, should agree upon. The first being: do NOT, under any circumstance, clone dinosaurs and bring them to modern times. I get it, they’re cool as hell but we just can’t coexist. Mostly due to their lack of communication skills and proclivity to maim and gore. If we were supposed to live with the dinosaurs that giant asteroid wouldn’t have got them out the paint for us. But I digress, because

Secondly: portals? Not even once. Just don’t do it. If you’ve ever watched one film, engaged in pop culture one time in your life, you’d know that nothing good comes from portals. String theory, alternate universes, mirror universes, if they really do exist then let one of those clown realities go through those portals.  Why do we want to play a road game? They know where we are, if they want to talk our phone rings, too. No need to be opening portals all wily-nily and unintentionally throwing us into some intergalactic war we weren’t remotely prepared for.

But, if we are going to be opening portals it feels like this should be bigger news. Like I only found out about this because the physicists last name is Broussard which prompted Dan Katz (co-host of The Evening Yak at Noon on Sirius XM Power 85 and zero other notable programs) to retweet it in support of his beloved #BrouCrew. Without that happy little accident I’d be clueless as to who or whom may be on the brink of opening a portal. And, idk, maybe I’m being crazy here but I don’t think a “Heads up!” is too much to ask here. If you think you’re so close to be opening portals that you’re bragging about it to the news then just make sure enough people know when it’s going down so that we can all hold on to something or try methamphetamines for the first time assuming doom is imminent. Use your head for me one time, science, and stop being so selfish all the time.