You See This Guy Driving A Stolen Car With Uranium, A Rattlesnake, And An Open Bottle Of Whiskey. What Do You Do?

AP- Police in Oklahoma say they found a rattlesnake, a canister of radioactive powdered uranium and an open bottle of Kentucky Deluxe whiskey during a traffic stop of a vehicle that had been reported stolen.

The traffic stop happened June 26 in Guthrie, about 30 miles (45 kilometers) north of Oklahoma City. Guthrie police Sgt. Anthony Gibbs told Oklahoma City TV station KFOR that police don’t know why the uranium was in the vehicle or how it was obtained, though uranium ore can be bought on Amazon. Gibbs says police also found a gun in the console and a terrarium in the backseat containing a pet Timber rattlesnake. Gibbs says the driver, Stephen Jennings, was charged with possession of a stolen vehicle, transporting an open container of liquor and driving with a suspended license.

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There are only 2 acceptable answers to that headline:

A. Drive your car in the opposite direction as fast as possible

or

B. Call the police

It doesn’t matter that this dude looks like exactly what Wooderson from Dazed And Confused would look like in 2019. If you run into someone wearing a leather vest, a chain with a cross on it, and a stoner happy face, there is a better than good chance that dude likes to party. If you spend any time with him, you may have the best night of your life or the worst night of your life. But regardless of which happens, ending up in the Emergency Room is always on the table. Times that by about a million when someone like that has an open bottle of whiskey in a car while driving.

However, the reddest of red flags is someone driving around all willy nilly with a rattlesnake and some uranium in their car. I don’t care that the rattlesnake is a pet or the uranium can be bought on Amazon. If you own any type of snake, let alone a fucking rattlesnake, you are a threat to society. And if you own any type of substance that starts with a planet name and ends in “nium”, the FBI should be watching you at all times. Uranium, Plutonium. Throw Vibranium on that list as well.

But if you have uranium, a rattlesnake, an open bottle of something called Kentucky Deluxe while wearing that fit, you should get thrown in the clink for life 1000 times out of 1000 for first degree pre-crime before we even get into the post-crime sentencing that comes with stealing a car.

Orrrrr you could go the Hunter S Thompson route and choose C which is riding the high that comes with the toxic cocktail of mixing powdered uranium, rattlesnake venom and whiskey which would either make you the highest person on Earth or turn you into a superhero/villain.