England Finally Exacts Revenge Against Nazi Germany (Tyson Fury Fight Recap)

Large6/16/2019 6:10 AM

I know Fury is technically a filthy Irishman, but you get the point.

Tyson Fury scored a TKO versus a formerly undefeated and still virtually unknown German heavyweight named Tom Schwarz with only 6 seconds left in the second round of their fight Saturday night in Vegas.

Fury entered the ring in dramatic fashion, to the tune of James Brown’s “Living In America” from that obscure boxing movie where Apollo Creed was killed by a Russian who was simultaneously fucking the shit out of Brigitte Nielsen before Flava Flav ultimately got his grubby little paws on her.

#neverforget #yeahhhhhboy

I should put an asterisk over this whole next paragraph but Fury seemed like a complete fighter for the first time in a long while in the ring vs Schwarz*. He threw an inordinate amount of effective jabs*.

He had very good head movement*.

He showed knockout power throughout and especially after he broke his opponent’s nose*.

He seamlessly switched to Southpaw between the first and second rounds and seemed equally effective from either side of the plate*.

* The asterisks are all because he did it against Tom Schwarz who, by all accounts, is a terrible boxer.

In the post-fight interview, Fury inexplicably took time out to serenade his wife to an Aerosmith tune… A move that gave me bowel-moving douche-chills from sheer embarrassment, but provided a giggle for our very own Buddha Ben…

He then went on to say that he’ll fight one more time in the fall (either on September 21st on October 5th) before meeting Deontay Wilder for a rematch in 2020.

With the lucrative deal Fury recently signed with ESPN, the lag before Fury vs Wilder II should come as no surprise. And as Fury tries to get back to a comfortable and effective fighting weight after the booze and drug-riddled rabbit hole he fell into after the Klitschko win in 2015 (which led to him ballooning up to 400 pounds whilst on a steady diet of whiskey, cocaine, and depression), I don’t blame him for scheduling one more tune-up.

Plus ESPN won’t complain as long as he keeps singing, dancing, and knocking people out.

For those who didn’t watch, the “Andy Ruiz Jr Affect” was triggered somewhat during the first round when Schwarz landed a clean shot to Fury’s temple, but the idea that Tom had any chance was quickly erased as Fury fucking manhandled him for 90% of their time in the ring.

Here’s the big ending…

So, to recap the top of the heavyweight division after tonight- Anthony Joshua is temporarily out of the picture as his only priority right now is to prove his loss to Andy Ruiz Jr was a fluke (and I am not saying it was).

Meanwhile, Deontay has to maintain that he is still the most devastating puncher in the heavyweight ranks…

And Fury has to maintain that he is still the smartest fighter in that division… And possibly the craziest…

If Tyson and Deontay don’t slip up, then their inevitable rematch is going to be a fucking doozy, and one that I am willing to wait for until the Spring of 2020.