There Will Be NO Pity Roses: The Bachelorette Week Three Recap

Fran5/28/2019 4:37 PM

Welcome to Week 3 of The Bachelorette where we are now down to one super annoying guy instead of two. Progress.

This week started with a group date that had the men getting a little taste of life as a woman. The guys had to take a quiz on the female anatomy and of course, most were very confused. Men really know nothing about the female body, it is hilarious and sad all in one. Hannah had them walking in fake pregnancy bumps, changing diapers, handling baby dolls, and last but not least, getting hooked up to feel the pain of labor. Jenny Mollen and Jason Biggs have always had amazing Bachelor commentary, and they were ready to make these guys feel the pain. I actually laughed out loud at John Paul Jones just yelling, “the guy from American Pie!” Can’t even imagine how many times Jason Biggs has to hear that.

Tyler C. anticipated the pain but obviously had to look great doing it too. I’m not complaining.

John Paul Jones continued to be the funniest person on this show. He did not like labor pains one bit.

During the night portion of the group date, Cam had me shaking my damn head. Mike opened up to Hannah and told her a heartbreaking story about a past relationship. His girlfriend was pregnant, but lost the baby in the second trimester. Mike was super vulnerable with Hannah and you know who didn’t respect that? Cam. Cam interrupted them not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES. Wait your goddamn turn, Cam.

Trent absolutely nailed it. Cam IS Tom Green.

As soon as Mike sat back down with the guys I knew he was going to stop at nothing to eliminate Cam. Jonathan decided to give Cam a taste of his own medicine and interrupted his time with Hannah. It was hilarious, Jonathan literally would not let Cam have two more seconds. They passed around Hannah like she was a little kid who couldn’t walk somewhere without an adult. I guess in the long run that was actually a bad look for Jonathan, since he went home along with Cam. “What goes around comes around”- Jonathan.

No love lost between these two.

Meanwhile…JPJ continued to house chicken nuggets. I don’t know why, but nugs seem to be a reoccuring topic this season.

Mike got the group date rose right in Cam’s face.

Connor S. got the only one on one date this week!!! However, Hannah got sick? passed out? (we got no clarification) so she had to go to the hospital and cancel the date. But, Hannah invited Connor over to her hotel room to help her recover ;). Connor brought flowers, soup, and a handwritten card for Hannah, which definitely won him some brownie points. Plus Connor got to snuggle with Hannah in bed. When he left, he put little post-it notes around the hotel room with different things he loves about Hannah on each one. My heart was FLUTTERING. A very adorable move from Connor S.

I always write down little notes when I watch the episode and for this one on one date all I had was “Connor S- too fricken cute” and “Hannah is a very pretty sick person.”

Connor went back to the mansion and we were immediately reminded why Luke P. is also the worst. He straight up asked Connor, “What was she wearing?” I’m sorry, what????????? Luke needing to take it down a million notches seems to be a theme.

Thankfully, we got even more airtime for Connor because Hannah wanted to keep the night portion of the group date alive. Or maybe ABC had Lukas Graham booked and they couldn’t reschedule. Connor was told to “look sharp” and the camera immediately cut to him putting on his leather jacket. For some reason I found that hilarious.

Connor S. got a rose and a private concert with Lukas Graham. Not too shabby! As far as performers go this is a pretty high profile name for The Bachelorette. Nice to see them getting the cash for a fairly recognizable name!

During the second group date of the week, Hannah brought the guys for a photoshoot with animals. Grant was a little too excited at the idea of a photoshoot group date? They were all fooled into thinking they were modeling with women…when really it was various animals you find in a petting zoo. And this is where ABC seamlessly integrates a date around a new movie coming out. This time, The Secret Life Of Pets 2. Well done.

Demi is BACK. This was a pleasant surprise. I would love Demi to just show up every two weeks to try and sniff out which guys need to go. She set up cameras and actors to try and flirt with the guys to see if any of them would bite and flirt back. Unfortunately, all the guys were on their best behavior.

Everyone got their shots, but Peter stole the show and got a kiss from Hannah. You could almost see the steam coming out of Luke P’s ears.

And then *deep sigh* Luke interrupts the shoot so he can take more photos with Hannah. Not just any photos, folks, ones where he is doing pushups and Hannah is on his back. Maybe Cam isn’t so bad after all.

Luke P. is just shooting himself in the foot. The guy can’t handle Hannah spending time with other people, the whole premise of the show. Every season there is THIS person. Most of the time they end up leaving on their own before they completely go mental. Luke seems to be on that path. Even Hannah is like GTFO when Luke tries to talk to her a billion times during the date. Of course Luke was the first guy to pull her away during the night portion of the group date and Hannah was not having it. Luke told her that the “other guys don’t have what it takes to be her husband.” That did not sit well with Hannah. I almost started clapping at my TV when Hannah told Luke that his confidence is irritating and borderline cocky, which she really doesn’t like. AND THEN Luke had the audacity to leave the conversation and say, “I’m gonna act like that conversation never happened.” RUFKM Luke. This guy does not get it one bit.

Luke continued to try and interrupt Hannah talking with other guys. She had to tell him to go away and that she would talk to him again before the night was over. He tried to physically block Peter from going to see Hannah. Maybe Luke has hit his head during one too many Crossfit sessions, because WOW try and read a room. Finally, Luke said to the other guys he was thinking about just going home. Yessss Luke. Keep doing that.

Peter and Hannah seemed to have a great chat. Peter’s mom was Miss Illinois back in the day (pageant buddies!). Plus they got in a pretty steamy makeout that included Hannah straddling him against a wall.

The best part of this group date was Hannah picking up the rose in front of all the guys, asking Luke to go chat, and then taking the rose with her. She yelled at Luke all while holding that rose in her hand. Hannah gave him a fat warning that he needs to figure his shit out and be more respectful of the other relationships she is forming. Then she marched right back into the other room and gave that rose to Peter. It was phenomenal. She just dangled that rose right in Luke’s face only to take it away. Sad thing is, Luke probably thought he was actually getting that rose.

Instead of a cocktail party, they do a tailgate party instead! After Chris Harrison made this announcement, Cam made an announcement of his own. He said he needed to be the first one to talk to Hannah because he had a really serious story he needed to share with her that has broken up relationships in the past. He even said that she might send him home after hearing it. I’m honestly not really sure what ensued after that. Cam told Hannah that in 2014 he was told he needed a leg amputation, days before the surgery he found out his grandma passed away, and then in 2017 he had to rehome his 10 month old puppy because of another surgery. I’m assuming ABC just absolutely botched this entire story. There is no way Cam explained all that and then just gave no explanation for clearly still having two legs. It made absolutely zero sense.

Mike is not here for ANY of Cam’s bullshit. He marched right to Hannah and told her that Cam was trying to get a pity rose and that he was telling the guys he was afraid he was going to be sent home, so this was his last card to play. He also told Hannah Cam was writing letters to the guys because he thought he was going home.

Hannah told Cam to explain himself, but it was pretty clear Hannah trusted Mike wayyyy more than Cam.
“Were you writing letters to the guys?”- Hannah
“Yes I was writing letters.”- Cam
What in the world??? We’re writing letters now to the fellow guys before leaving the show? What could Cam possibly have to WRITE IN A LETTER to the guys left on the show. Cam, just wait a couple months and you can DM whoever you want.

“This is my worst nightmare”-Cam. Is it Cam? Is it really?

Obviously have to include Tyler C. and Hannah during the tailgate party. Tyler C. (former tight end) lets Hannah cop a feel (jealous) and they try and run some drills. That did not go so well.

Unfortunately for Cam, he did not get the pity rose and was sent home during the rose ceremony with Jonathan and Joey.

Tyler G. disappearing into the night:

So apparently some shit was brought to the surface on reddit about Tyler G’s past behaviors in relationships. I guess ABC then did their digging and decided it was bad enough to remove him from the show. While some guys were on the group date, Tyler sent packing. Good riddance.