The Failing, Underwater New York Times Offered Their Much-Needed Thoughts On Australia's Shoey Phenomenon
To “do a shoey” is to pour alcohol (usually beer) into a shoe (yours or someone else’s) and chug it. Beer cascades down your shirt. Then you (or someone else) wears a wet shoe for the night.
While some Australians are thrilled seeing a diverse roster of celebrities adopt, or at least tolerate, the shoey tradition, others fear that the worst of Australia’s good-natured rowdiness — known here as larrikinism — and binge-drinking culture is being unflatteringly thrust into the global spotlight.
Those libclams over at the Grey Lady must be scraping the bottom of the fluff bin today. Instead of reporting on earthquakes and Nick Saban’s abortion law, they’re painting a fun, harmless Australian tradition as some gateway drug to a world where we chug from our clothing, not our cups. Check out this incredible quote:
Georgia Moloney, a 21-year-old concert photographer in Sydney, guesses she hears calls for “shoey” at one in five shows she shoots. To her, it’s embarrassing — especially when international artists are subjected to the chants.
“We’re the only country in the world demanding artists drink beer out of a shoe,” she said in a phone interview. “It’s really cringey.”
“It takes up a lot of time in the show as well,” she said.
Oh look, a 21-year-old concert photographer isn’t a fan of shoeys. You think it takes up too much time in the show, Georgia? Are you not able to snap as many pictures because the ARTISTS ON STAGE are engaging with their tens of thousands of fans in a local tradition? Whatever will you do?!
Grow up. You’re a concert photographer. Nobody cares. Next time Post Malone is in town, I recommend you focus that $14k lens on some shoey action. Take the film back to your dark, slightly red room, dip that shit in your tub of embryonic fluid, and clip the best ones to your clothesline like a normal psychopath whose opinion on drinking should never grace the pages of a news publication, failing or otherwise.
Let’s take a look at how much can be had, or missed, with shoeys!
Harry Styles says no:
Make up your mind Harry, you cocktease. Haha no, only kidding. You can do whatever you want with that face. Look at his face. Look at it. I want to make it a chair. Jesus.
Jimmy Fallon and Hugh Grant joined the fun:
And why not? Hugh gets it. Jimmy gets it. Perhaps a bit more spillage than I’d care for, but they also went full-pint. If you’ve got wide ankles, that shoe is less of a spout and more of a bowl. And if you’ve ever drunk from a bowl (that is the correct conjugation of drink here), you know things can get wet quickly.
Jared Richards has it right:
Narcs indeed. That description of the process speaks to exactly why the NYTimes is used predominantly as a means of starting fires these days: they’re out of touch. “Beer cascades down your shirt. Then you (or someone else) wears a wet shoe for the rest of the night.” The horror! To think, drinking is meant to be a dry-clothing activity! What sort of monsters could carry on with their evening in sticky, wet clothes? Don’t show them this clip.
“Sadistic patrons make bar (and each other) wet with beer. Many slipped.”