Reader Email: Alki David Played Porn Holograms At Work, Is A Total WILD CARD

So I’ve talked about this Alki David character twice now:

Alki David Volume I: Playing Porn At Work
Alki David Volume II: Drug Smuggling

I’m kinda intrigued by him as he’s just some trust fund baby billionaire that doesn’t hold his debauchery back.  Sorta like a bizzaro Elon Musk I guess.  But now Stoolies are sending emails detailing said debauchery and I don’t want to be a fly on the wall of anywhere David happens to be at any given time, I  need to be.  Check out this email below:

WSD,

Sorry Im typing this on my phone.  Just wanted to give a background and a couple of stories.  If you want to see how crazy this dude is, just follow him on Insta.  This sums up Alki

I have to first preface this by saying that Alki was actually really cool to me.  About 3 yrs ago I was involved with a technology company.  On a lazy afternoon I got an email from some guy saying he was interested in our tech, and wanted utilize for certain applications.  I responded no problem just let me know when he wanted to talk.

Not 5 min later this guy Skypes me.  He’s sitting pretty much nude in some terrace in Switzerland.  I didn’t know if I was getting scammed by some weird site for some  fetish shit or what.  He started talking about our tech, and I was like “hey, who am I talking to?”  He then says Alki David.  Of course I do a search while i’m talking to him and find out hes a billionaire from family money.  We end the convo with him inviting me and my business partner to Beverly Hills to meet with him.

So about a month later we head out there.  Walk into this office, and it is WILD!  It’s hard to explain, but it was almost like an adult kindergarten, but this kindergarten class used racist, sexist overtones.  We sat waiting for this guy for 1/2 hr.  The whole time my partner and I  are looking at each other trying not to laugh at the absurdity that surrounded us.  Alki comes out of his office, welcomes us, then says some disparaging thing about the receptionist tits.  I brush it off, and we start walking back to his office. While we are walking back, he nutchecks one of his employees, and basically started wrestling him.  The crazy thing is, everyone in the office is laughing.  They were just used to him being a dick.  Everyone put up with it because they were getting paid, and didn’t care.  I laugh at all the sexual harassment cases.  He fucked with everyone.

So we sit down with him, and out of nowhere hes like, “I want to buy your company”.  Our response was fine, when?  For the right price, we would sell and start something else.  He throws out a number, and we agreed.  He called in the atty and we started the steps to get bought.  Now, after interacting with this guy for the next month, I found out he tries to buy everything.  Just doesn’t care.  (Fun Story to look up, Chicago’s Chief Keef was involved with Alki).
The bad news, none of these offers come to fruition because obviously. I’m glad we picked up on the BS a week later, and at that point, we just toyed with him.  Not going to lie, it was fun fucking with a billionaire.

Let me get back to our first meeting. After our business discussion, he wanted to show off all the different tech items he owned and his services.  At that time he was suing the FCC for streaming rights.  He had a streaming service which basically consisted of shitty soccer games, and horrible reality shows he produced.  One of which was a show where he tried to get people to kill themselves.  You can look it up.  Bananaland.

Anyways, his big tech he had was his Hologram company.  This is the 2PAC shit you saw at Coachella.  So he takes us downstairs and he has a theatre.  He starts playing his holograms for us.  2PAC, Whitney Houston, and Jackie Wilson.  Then he’s like check this out.  Next hologram comes up and its 2 naked chicks, making out then fucking each other.  Not gonna lie, it was awesome, and ruined me from porn forever!  The crazy thing is this guy was trying to buy us, 10 min later we are watching hologram porn.  Being a normal guy from Chicago, I thought I had dropped acid it was so weird.

These are just off my initial meetings, i have 5-10 more.

Sorry if this was a waste of time, I just started laughing when I saw your posts.  I’m a big fan of you guys, and give my best to the boys.  You guys are killing it.

***Live look at me reading this email***

I fucking LOVE this guy.  I could definitely do without the blatant sexism and all of that, sure, but it sounds like his workplace is the place to be.  Kinda like Jordan Belfort in the Wolf of Wall Street.  Just sex, drugs and rock and roll from top to bottom.

But that’s never gonna happen because I have the IQ of Forrest Gump and this is my office 3-4 days a week:

I’m not pioneering any tech startups either, so I guess my only option is to live vicariously through Stoolie reader emails.  Fucking with a billionaire?  That’s bucket list shit.

Oh, and PS – If I saw this type of hologram of two girls going to town on each other, it’d ruin porn for me too: