VS.

1. Don’t @ me about Kerry Wood not being a Hall of Famer. It’s only a matter of time.

*opens twitter*

*filters mentions*

2. Relax. Obviously Kerry Wood isn’t going to Cooperstown and for that I blame no one but Kerry Wood for not doing enough/any steroids. He started 178 games in 9 years in the rotation with the Cubs, good for less than 20 per season or about 40% less than a fully healthy pitcher over that time.

If Woody did more/any steroids, you’d see that number rise drastically but as we learned in Avengers: Endgame (Spoiler Alert) you don’t fuck with time travel so who am I to regret the way things turned out?

I regret nothing.

I’m just saying, more steroids = less injury.

3. I’d tell you to ask Randy Johnson but he never did steroids either. 

4. …

5. Randy Johnson had 7.6W WAR combined in his first 6 seasons through age 28. Over the next 6 seasons at a significantly worse age bracket to power pitch, The Big Unit delivered 35.5 WAR. He didn’t slow down.

6. Over the NEXT TEN YEARS… 10… Randy Johnson posted 65.8 WAR and to be clear that’s age 35-45.

7. 65.8 WAR…

8. … Didn’t do steroids. 

9. Kerry Wood on the other hand didn’t have any remarkable career statistics into his mid 40’s because he’s only 41 years old and, AGAIN, we don’t fuck with time travel. So it remains impossible whether to say Randy Johnson was a better pitcher at age 44 because Woody isn’t there yet. We’ll circle back for that argument in 2022.

10. For now, lets agree that Woody has a leg up because he didn’t do steroids and isn’t a 1st Ballot HOF’er. For those reasons, the 6’6, 240 pound phenom is more common man than the 7 foot giant.

11. Both are cool guys. Randy is more of a guy’s guy. Woody is a solid family man. Teammates liked both although Randy was probably the scariest athlete on the planet at one point – the only left handed pitcher EVER to be considered terrifying.

12. Strikeouts from righties are nastier than strikeouts from lefties. Breaking balls from a righty have the tendency to buckle knees where lefties can get you to miss by a lot more. Personally, I prefer the site of a major league hitter taking a small dump as Woody’s slider breaks across the plate vs. a very clueless Pokey Reese.

13. Speaking of opponents, the ’98 Astros finished 102-60 with the NL Central and a bunch of bad motherfuckers like Jeff Bagwell, Biggio, Moises Alou etc. Those guys could rake and they did.

The 2001 Reds’ best player was Elmer Dessens (4.5 WAR) followed by Adam Dunn and his 30% strikeout rate.

Point Woody.

14. Cold and windy at Wrigley is more impressive than 90 degrees of dry desert heat.

Point Woody.

15. Randy gave up 3 hits and a run

16. Kerry gave up 1 hit and zero runs. 

Point Woody.

17. Randy was pitching to Damian Miller who was a hell of a game caller. Woody had to pitch to Sandy Martinez. Don’t complicate this one.

Point Woody.

18. Randy Johnson was making his 365th career start. Woody was making his 5th.

Point Woody.

19. How about the fact that no one talks about Randy Johnson’s game? Maybe because Kerry Wood’s is that much better?

20. It is, but Randy Johnson was sooooo fucking good. Especially in Ken Griffey Junior on N64, easily the best sports video game ever of all time: