A Couple of Old Coots Were Accidentally Delivered $7 Million Worth Of Meth

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First things first, I did a lot of internet research to make sure saying “old coot” isn’t racist. The phrase “old coot” is very funny, but you never know if an old-timey phrase like that has racist origins. I’m happy to report that the word coot is actually not racist, as it’s origins come that of a bird.

Courant - COOT: If you’ve ever seen a coot — an ungainly marsh bird that bobs its head like a hen as it swims or walks — you can see why “coot” came to denote, by the 1700s, “a harmless, simple person,” as in “an old coot.”

So that’s a relief. Coot is still ok to say. And so when I say a couple of old coots were sent meth, that’s exactly what I mean.

CNN - An elderly Australian couple Wednesday signed for a package containing 10 million Australian dollars’ ($7 million) worth of methamphetamine, which had accidentally been shipped to their house, police said.

The couple, who live outside Melbourne, called police after opening the parcel and discovering it contained bags of white substance.

“They asked each other if they had ordered anything, and it was quite clear that they hadn’t,” Detective Acting Senior Sergeant Matthew Kershaw told reporters on Thursday.

The authorities determined the substance to be 20 kilograms of the illegal drug.

“(It’s) quite incredible to comprehend that someone could be that sloppy,” Kershaw added.

Hours after the couple’s alarming discovery, a 21-year-old man was arrested in the nearby town of Bundoora.

“It’s quite a large find to take off the streets, really,” Kershaw said of the drug haul. “That’s 800,000 hits off the street that we’ve intercepted yesterday which is quite significant.”

Here’s my take- when you’re described as “elderly” and you accidentally get shipped meth, just fucking go for it. You’re already old as hell, your life peaked 20 years ago, just do meth. Or if you really, really are opposed to doing meth, figure out how to sell it. Once you are “elderly” you can use ignorance as an excuse for anything. The ol’ “I didn’t know I couldn’t do that” routine works great once you’re 85. And what are they gonna do if you get caught wheeling meth? Put your elderly ass in jail? Huge waste of time and recourses if you ask me. And all the while, it’d be a pretty cool thing to do at such an old age. It makes your life worth something again. Supplying meth to the local community, what a delight! And they’d be the cute lil’ couple down the street. People would come up to their door like trick or treaters, “one meth please!”. Be the cutest little story.

But instead they called the police and flushed $7 million of meth right down the toilet. Sad! That money could have supported their family for generations to come, but instead they did what some consider the “right thing” and took 800,000 hits off the street. Tomato, tomato, I suppose.