What In The Fuck Is Vegan Lasagna?

I’m 99% sure that when Peaches says she’s Ready to knock all that shit over 

She *actually* means knock it over onto the floor so no one can eat it because for the Love of God that’s not lasagna. That’s a Gargantuan from Jimmy Johns spread over a baking pan complete with heavy mayo:

Gross. Just absolutely fucking Gross. Vegans everywhere should openly be on trial in the court of public opinion to defend this move. That or we should declare the instant surrender of Vegans everywhere. And not because Vegans are bad people or their mission sucks. Quite the opposite.

I’m all for a clean Earth and sound human-animal relations. I just find it treasonous to evolution to completely abandon animal products on individual principle alone. It’s selfish behavior (1) and (2) livestock deserve a right to work like everyone else in 2019.

Well turns out no one cares about livestock. Turns out people want to be selfish assholes and enjoy this scrumptious dish

Yeah do you love lasagna but hate the ingredients?

Do you enjoy lying to yourself and taste buds?

Is it fun when people hate your guts for ruining dinner?

Then you’re in luck because this 147-step recipe to make wet hot garbage is right in your wheelhouse.

Feeling overwhelmed? Nora has your back. This one’s way easier.

Just don’t forget the Red Lentils…

LET’S TALK ABOUT RED LENTILS FOR A MINUTE

They are my favorite lentil, especially for kids and picky eaters! … And the best thing about them is that unlike green or brown lentils, red lentils kinda mush and mix in with whatever you put them in.

They are almost undetectable, and in pasta sauce they simply help create a “meaty” type texture without being very “beany”. Perfect for picky kids (or husbands)!

You’ll get busted as a hack fraud and the last thing you need is that Picky Husband! getting any kind of leverage, ever.

This meal sucks

Then again maybe I’m just a salty prick in a bad mood brought on by the sodium overdose I regularly subject myself to via All Beef Vienna Frank products. Maybe I’m just a dick and I’m missing out on Vegan Lasagna. Maybe Kendall’s friends are actually still her friends

Just kidding of course they hate her guts. Or at least I would – the salty prick who thinks Vegan Lasagna people belong in the looney bin.

Hit me with the good stuff.