Donnie And I Are Headed To The Chinese Version of Burning Man
If America makes it you bet your ass China will rip it off. They’re already making knock offs of every product under the sun so why not add festivals to the mix. In this case, they decided to go with Burning Man. They’re calling their version “Dragon Burn”.
Like all Chinese fakes, the product looks good at first glance but when actually put to use it fails to perform anywhere near as well as the real counterpart it was crafted after… I have a bad feeling that once we get to Dragon Burn we’re in for a complete shitshow.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with the real Burning Man, it’s a nine-day festival that takes place in the middle of a desert in Nevada. Heres a quick look.
What was once simply a bunch of dirty hippies gathering for a week in the heat has become a hot spot for Silicon Valley companies to attend for company retreats. It goes without saying that these “retreats” involve taking a heavy amount of psychedelic drugs. How else do you think someone could come up with an idea as innovative as removing likes from social media without having spent hours in the desert on a powerful vision quest.
When it comes to music festivals I’m pretty indifferent, but if given the opportunity I’d happily go check out Burning Man. However, Dragon Burn I’m not as sure about… You see the thing that makes Burning Man unique is that nothing is bought or sold at the festival. Everyone brings their own food/drink, people barter and trade for shit once inside. Sounds like a pretty fucking annoying attempt to pretend like we’re living in prehistoric times, but it does sound doable if, and this is a big IF, everyone is showing up in RV’s stocked with hundreds of dollars worth of provisions in them. Which happens to be the case at Burning Man. Hell, tickets alone go for upwards of $1,200. The people there are going in prepared.
That’s not going to be the case for us at Dragon Burn. For starters we’re taking a train, not driving an RV. All that we are bringing is what we can carry ourselves on the three-hour journey to god knows where. We have a tent and camera equipment. All we have for food is a few packs of instant noodles, which we will have to eat raw because we have no way to boil water, and even if we did there’s no way the two of us could even carry enough to drink and cook with. We’re also bringing a bottle of Jim Beam, you know, to take the edge off.
When asked if there would be any access to power we got this response.
Umm excuse me I actually do need to charge something. I have a video to film that will kill all over The Great Online. How’s that for your theme?
I have no idea what to expect from the next three days but it feels like we are walking into the Chinese version of the Fyre Festival. The only difference is that the idiots going to the Fyre festival thought they were getting a luxury vacation on a private island, they ended up having nowhere to sleep and nothing to eat. We, on the other hand, know ahead of time that we won’t have anywhere to sleep and nothing to eat. Who’s the idiot now?