Boston.Com Love Letters - My wife lied about her evening with a famous athlete
The Question
Q. I have been married to my wife for a few years, together for about 10. We have children, and I have considered everything generally happy. However I discovered — through some old Facebook messages — an incident that occurred when we were engaged.
My now-wife was at a bachelorette party about seven years ago. She met some famous athletes at a casino bar. This part she told me at the time. What she did not tell me was she hung out with one of these athletes all night and went to their hotel room. It doesn’t seem like they had sex, but stuff happened. I feel like I’ve been living a lie. Should I confront her? Also, does this mean she has been unfaithful beyond this encounter?
— Stuff Happened
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Meredith Hoss Goldstein Answer
A. It sounds like you should talk to your wife, because the lack of information has caused you to imagine the worst. Be very honest with her about how you discovered these messages. Tell her exactly what you read and why it’s making you doubt what you have with her. Then listen. I’m sure she’ll have something to say. If she writes this off as a decision she made long ago, please remind her that it’s new to you. It makes sense for you to be on your own schedule with this. All I know is that one lie doesn’t mean you’re living a lie. It’s possible she very much regrets the experience. But even if she doesn’t, what matters is that she’s been more than capable of loving and committing to you since that party.
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El Pres Answer
Dear Stuff Happened,
One part of this story is very straight forward and easy. One part of this story is far more complicated.
Let’s start with the easy stuff. Of course your wife fucked this athlete. She got fucking demolished. Oh you don’t think they had sex? How stupid can you be? Athletes don’t take chicks back to their room to hold hands with them. He buried her. Get over it. It’s honestly nothing to be mad about. That’s gonna happen 100 out of 100 times on a bachelorette party. If anything you should be flattered that a pro athlete thought your wife was hot enough to fuck. I’d take that as a compliment since athletes can pretty much bang whoever they want. I wouldn’t even count this as cheating.
Now for the more complicated part. How the hell do you discover 7 year old facebook messages? Were you literally scrolling through all her old shit? That means you don’t trust her to begin with. It sounds like your wife is too good for you and you know it. I mean if you honestly care about shit that happened 7 years ago at a bachelorette party and scroll through 7 years of messages you are a psycho. Either call it quits for your kids sake or just commit to the swinger game because whatever you’re doing now ain’t working.