This Election Winning Coin Toss Was So Bad I'm Convinced The Russians Hacked Us

I wrote a blog yesterday about an election in Illinois that came down to a coin flip. I’m assuming you read it because you’re extremely horny

If you didn’t read it because you’re just average horny, here’s the cliffnotes:

WGN — A county clerk plans a coin flip today to decide the winner of the tied vote for a trustee seat in the Chicago suburb of Sauk Village.

Under Illinois law when there’s a tie in an election the county clerk shall “determine by lot which of them is to be declared elected.” Turnout in the April 2 election was 9.3% among Sauk Village’s more than 8,200 registered voters.

Not trying to beat a dead whore but it’s always bothered me casinos don’t have coin flip tables. And not that pussy $10 minimum stuff. I’m talking no limit, big money, high stakes coin flipping. You can make bets on sequences like I put $10k on H-T-H and that pays 5.9-1 or something just so the house can pay for all that fancy ass booze I’ll be crushing with Larry Flint and his team of hookers.

Big tails guy

And that’s how you end up tossing quarters in Vegas with D- escorts and Larry Flint while blogging about coin toss gaming reform.

Back to the toss:

The government flipped a coin yesterday to determine the winner of a real election and like most things the government does it was a monumental failure

Follow up question to the loser – how quickly do you file an appeal with the the NFL to get this ruling vacated? Like I know the NFL has nothing to do with suburban Chicago local government but at the same time it’s well known Coin Flip jurisdiction is universally vested with the league. Like a Supreme Court of Coin Flips without any of the Checks N Balances but all of the power and authority

“I liked flipping coins because you don’t need any friends to do it.” – Roger Goodell (probably) if asked about his childhood

Actually on second thought let’s leave the NFL out of this. Knowing Roger he’d probably keep the quarter for himself.