Pam Anderson Shared Some Harsh Haikus Regarding Julian Assange's Arrest

Julian Assange is an odd duck. He’s been in the news for a decade and nobody knows why. Scholars debate. Something about leaking shit on wikipedia with the help of Eli’s sister Chelsea. But we’re not here to discuss the Mannings; this is about Pam, who apparently has a strong opinion about this Julian fellow. Due to whatever he did, he’s been camping out in the Ecuadorian embassy in London. One can only imagine how bad that food is. Ecuadorian food, in London, cooked by government employees? Yeeeuck. No wonder he looks like chows spider poon without utensils.

Take nothing away from Pam’s poetry though. The first is her laundry list of thoughts. Nice and tidy, too. Shots at Equador (is that the local spelling?) and then she calls the U.K. America’s bitch! Whooaa Pam, settle down there. We squashed that beef with the Brits a long time ago. Let’s keep it classy like the boat in that film you made with the drummer from Mötley Crüe. That boat was awesome.

But then she turns right around and skewers America. And frankly, that won’t stand. Come on, Pam… we’ve stuck with you even though all your photos now look like the second half of a “then and now” comparison. You’re a legend. I’m not saying shut up and dribble—because I don’t know what you’re dribbling these days—but calling our countrymen “devils, liars, and thieves” leaves a bad taste. The format of the message feels eery too, like a call to action for some anarchist group.

And if Pam Anderson is leading the anarchists, maybe structure is overrated.