Gals, We Wearing Electrical Tape Swimsuits This Summer? Guys, We Clicking This Blog For Boob Reasons?

Cue the shameless pandering ’cause momma needs clicks this week:

If you’re a normal woman like me you’re looking at these photos thinking, “I am going to fucking crush it wearing this down the Jersey shore this summer, but I’ve only got a busted roll of the Scotch kind & that won’t work on my enormous, monster-nipples. Where do I get sturdy, fancy electrical tape that can handle these absolutely honkin’ hooter handles. And also, will all the little pieces stay on while I’m boogie boarding to impress dudes?”

Well good news for you & for anyone who will be in my Sea Isle City beach chair radius – I found it. You can artily cover your lady bits with metallic body tape off The Black Tape Project site for only $29.99:

Speaking of The Black Tape Project, that’s the site for the artist himself, Joel Alvarez, who was a struggling photographer who first experimented with tape on a model back in 2008. Then he hit (some very weird) good fortune & hard work paid off,

“I was lucky to find a box hidden in my late grandfather’s house with a substantial amount of money. After many years of what I considered “the thought era” in my life, I quickly put the funds to work in hopes to correct my debts and life. With the last of the $1500 I purchased a camera and 10 years later here I am. A self-taught photographer, artist, and entrepreneur. I’ve managed to make a business off of my ideas and concepts for almost a decade. I’m the creator of the Black Tape Project. Some consider me the founder or a pioneer of the Genre Body Tape art. Because of my concepts I’ve been able to travel to over 36 countries and counting, I’ve been published in countless magazines, worked with directors like Michael Bay (Pain and Gain) and recording artists like Rick Ross and some of the top DJs in the world from carl cox to Afrojack to name a few.”

Among the brands that have used his artistry: Maxim, Playboy, Rolex, the Cannes Film Festival, and Johnnie Walker, and I’m sure we’ll see this look out at Coachella this weekend.

Some online have criticized the look wondering how these ladies could take a bathroom break with their crotches sealed up. I’m more worried about another issue involving maybe a rough, painful tape & hair combo at the end of a long, cold winter. Not me, a friend was worried about that.

Going off my luck last summer maybe it’s for the best I just stick with the basics.