Cheeks To Cheeks To Cheeks: See The Move From WrestleCon That Has 'Real Wrestling Fans' Triggered

Flying Elbows? Jackknife Powerbombs? Tombstone Piledrivers?

Total snoozefest takedowns after this one from WrestleCon that I can now not unsee…

Make way for what I am declaring my new all-time favorite move; the Cranial Butt Vice 3000 (CBV3??) at second 00:29 of this eye-opening (strangely arousing?!?!?! Eh? No?!) video:

For the record, before this I didn’t have a favorite wrestling move and I named this one myself out of sheer ignorance. But I’m all about it… The entire 30 second buildup of butt-to-butt slaps in the corner before she gets squished (total of 6 cheeks ultimately involved) is so delightfully unnecessary & perfect, especially as the crowd chants “THIS IS WRESTLING!” in the background.

The CBV3 happened this past Friday in NYC at the first annual “Joey Ryan’s Penis Party“.

“What the hell is that,” you say? It was part of WrestleCon; ‘An annual celebration of all things wrestling’.

Personally I tend to be out of the loop on all things wrestling, but when that video above came across my timeline I was awed at the creativity and wanted to know more. Speaking with resident expert Robbie Fox, I was informed that the event’s brainchild, Joey Ryan, is kind of a big deal. In fact, Robbie’d actually worked with him before.

“I used to design some merch/gear for him when I was in high school. Did it for a ton of independent wrestlers at the time in exchange for tickets to shows.”

After seeing the butt thing, I continued checking it out & it only got better. I’m pleased to announce Tampon Druids were also in attendance at the Penis Party to back up Priscilla Kelly.

And that Joey Ryan himself flipped 5 wrestlers with his penis.

Speaking of, my rabbit hole on this continued when Robbie sent me one of the original dick flips:

And his old videos are worth watching for the commentary alone:

Needless to say, this “R Rated” version of professional wrestling has people triggered, which was easy to see in the Twitter comments on the CBV3 video. Here’s just a few:

…but Joey Ryan’s resolve is rock hard. He was on set for an acting gig today but took the time to respond to a couple questions:

Kate: Are there plans for more ‘Joey Ryan’s Penis Parties’?

Joey: WrestleCon announced it as the first annual so I think they plan to do more. I’m assuming they’ll ask me to host again but maybe they have multiple penises in mind.

Kate: What do you say to those grumbling that ‘this isn’t real wrestling’?

Joey: I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to watch other wrestling they do like and celebrate that instead of being so negative towards the wrestling they don’t like. All it serves as is an attempt to divide the wrestling audience which benefits nobody.

Have to agree with him here; I don’t get the hate. Like I said earlier, I generally don’t follow much on wresting but this caught my eye, got me interested, and sent me down a rabbit hole where I’ve found myself plenty entertained. If anything I can see these matches as an attention grabbing gateway spectacle to the sport, and I’d love to attend one & see it in person.

Hope they keep their noses to the grindstone, er, to the cheeks, on this type of wrestling.