NASA Is Looking To Pay You $19,000 To Do Nothing For 2 Months, Inquire Within

(WGN)–NASA is paying people $19,000 to stay in bed for two months.

Researchers are trying to find out if “artificial gravity” can help astronauts who spend a long time in space.

Two groups of 12 people will travel Germany to spend 60 days with their feet propped above their head.

Researchers will monitor them while they eat, read, watch TV and go to the bathroom.

One group will be spun around in an artificial gravity chamber, and the control group will not spin.

Like most dream jobs, the offer comes with a catch. You must speak German and be between 24 and 55 and healthy.

Talk about a dream come true. I LOVE Space. The final frontier. I have always wanted to be an astronaut and work for NASA. It’s been a dream of mine since I was a little kid and saw Apollo 13. My dreams were crushed when I found out that working for NASA meant being able to do things like “math” and “science”. I like the idea of those things, but I don’t like doing them. I when I say I don’t like it…it’s because I can’t. This though…I can do this. I am great at doing nothing. In fact, I am doing it right now. Right in the middle of this blog…nothing

And I am going to continue to do nothing for the rest of the day. I can absolutely do this experiment. Study my brain, my body, stick me with needles, strap monitors to me, whatever it takes for you to study my current state of being to see if Astronauts are capable of also doing nothing.

Here is the thing though…why the fuck does NASA need people to speak German for this experiment? Why is it in Germany? I thought Trump was all about Space exploration and NASA. What happened to making America great again? Why are we letting NASA export our jobs to a bunch of krauts? Nobody does nothing better than Americans. Look how fat we are. You think you’re going to find Germans who can be better at nothing than us? I don’t think so. Trump needs to intervene and bring this job home to me and my fellow Americans so we can do nothing get paid for it…but not welfare. It’s work. The American way.