Gucci Is Selling These Purposely Dirty and Distressed Shoes For the Low Price Of $870

People- Hate breaking in a new pair of shoes? Gucci did the dirty work for you with its new “Screener” sneaker. The designer brand is selling $870 men’s and women’s shoes that have been “treated for an all-over distressed effect,” that gives them the look of worn-in sneakers. The new kicksthis link opens in a new tab are called the “Screener” and come in three different color options for men — green and orange, red and green, and blue and orange — and two for women, green and orange and strawberry print, the latter of which checks in even higher at $980. According to the website’s description, the shoe design was inspired by “vintage sportswear” and “classic trainers from the ’70s.” “The Screener sneakers — named for the defensive sports move — feature the Web stripe on the side and vintage Gucci logo, treated for an allover distressed effect,” the website reads.

Make fun of Gucci all you want for selling these shoes but they wouldn’t be selling them if people weren’t going to buy them. That’s just a fact. Those shoes are gonna sell out in two seconds because it’s what the people want. Distressed and dirty is the look these days. If you have new shoes that look like new shoes you are complete and total loser. The goal is to look like you’re not trying by trying. That’s what those shoes are. You spend $870 to look like shit so nobody thinks you’re trying to be cool because the worst way to look cool is to try and look cool. Dirty ass expensive shoes makes you look cool because you’re trying but it looks like you’re not trying. Get it? Good.

I would’ve been the coolest kid in elementary school/middle school/high school if dirty shoes were fashionable back then. Pretty sure we were moderately poor* and I had these dirty ass Shaq shoes that I got at Payless and they were the dirtiest shoes in the whole wide world. They would’ve gone for at least $2,000 on Gucci today.

*Isn’t it weird how you don’t know if you’re poor or not when you’re a kid? When I was living through it I didn’t think we were but then you look back and think, “Oh damn we might’ve been poor there for a little while.” Not like super poor but like store brand cereal, toilet paper and paper towels poor.