Today In NYC Subway News: A Guy Is Traveling On The Subway With A Giant Structural Steel Beam

So this morning, I opened The Gram (as the kids say), saw that video, had myself a little chuckle, and hummed the requisite lines from Empire State Of Mind about New York being the concrete jungle where dreams are made of like I usually do whenever I see my daily reminder of the nonsense taking place in the subway, and wondered if a dude dragging a gigantic steel beam through a cramped, underground series of tunnels would be worth a blog. I mean this is an objectively ABSURD picture no matter how ridiculous the setting is.

Well as I continued to debate the blogworthyness of this crazy son of a bitch in my head, look what popped up on the Subway Creatures Instagram 30 minutes ago.

Not only is Beam Guy on the move, he is transferring trains! You get used to seeing a lot of shit in Satan’s Labyrinth. Scurrying rats, homeless people that may or may not be dead, weirdos like this walking nightmare

But I don’t know if anything can prepare you for some scrappy looking dude lugging a steel beam like he’s Wreck It Ralph that is roughly half the length of the train he is riding on. I would ask why this guy was using the subway to transport a steal beam, how many people he hit with the beam as he awkwardly brought it into the the dungeon of trains, and how many more transfers he plans on making with it (my guess is to the center of Mole People Town where they are probably building their version of the underground Empire State Building). But instead I will just adhere to Rule No. 1 of the subway from the comfort of my own home and mind my damn business while staring straight ahead with a dead look in my eyes, while also obviously remaining glued to my Instagram for any #BeamWatch updates.

P.S. This guy couldn’t be any more of a sucker if he tried. Beam Guy knew he had this mamaluke locked in as a helper the minute he saw those soft eyes and that unzipped jacket.