Cordarelle Patterson's Deal Proves the Rest of the NFL Has Lost Their Damn Minds

So many of you wonder why Patriots fans act the way we act. Why we are so ridiculously over-the-top confident that virtually anyone not wearing a 12 on his back can leave in Free Agency and we just treat it like a ritual sacrifice to appease our angry god so he will keep our fields and our wombs fertile.

But then a moment like this comes and you should all see it from our point of view. If not join our pagan religion altogether.

Cordarelle Patterson. Corduroy. Frigging. Patterson. A guy who made $3.25 million from the Patriots on a 1-year deal, just signed on to make over three times that in Chicago.

And why? Did the Bears see something in Patterson’s game tape they couldn’t have picked up in the four seasons they faced him twice a year when he was with Minnesota? Was there some subtle nuance they detected in his 21 receptions over 15 games with the Pats that made him worth a 2-year, $10 million deal. Or perhaps it was his playoff performance of 4 catches on 7 targets for 38 yards that convinced the Bears they just had to have him.

I mean, it could have been his kick return ability. Which nobody will question. But let’s be honest. In the NFL, 2019, the ability to return kickoffs is the football equivalent of being really good at TV repair.

At the risk of repeating a recurring theme here, the Patriots take a guy, they find ways to coach him up to give him some value, let him test the Free Agent market, and other teams lose their goddamned minds to sign him. Just to get some of the Pats DNA into their bodies.

Josh McDaniels did everything he could to make an asset out of Patterson. Clearly no one could turn him into a route runner. Or bless him with good hands. But when the Pats were thin at running back in midseason McDaniels let him rush 21 times over two game for almost 100 yards. Beyond that, he set him up with Jet Sweeps and Pitches and End Arounds. He fed him Bubble Screens and Quick Slants and tried to get him in space where he could use his obvious kick return skills to make people miss. With some results. Just not $5 million a year results.

But that doesn’t matter when the player in question was on the Patriots. Pats fans are admittedly cocky and arrogant this Free Agency period. But that doesn’t mean we’re wrong. Or that other franchises aren’t losing their minds. Patterson’s contract alone proves that.