Barstool’s Champions League Preview – The “Lions & Tigers & Pissed Off Ronaldo’s – Oh My” Edition
Sam’s Soccer Safe Space For Stoolies
Hi Haters™,
I was just starting to pop a legitimate sportsboner this morning when all of a sudden the USMNT dropped their latest 24-man roster for upcoming March friendlies against Ecuador and Chile and let’s just say it took the wind out of my sails.
Tim Ream??? OMAR GONZALEZ??????????
Including those 30+ year old defenders and leaving guys like Walker Zimmerman at home is just plain stupid. I’m also disappointed by the absences of guys like Andrija Novakovich and Bobby Wood given some of the other “strikers” that were called in. Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty of talent in the roster to put out some solid XIs but this is precisely the type of “conservative” bullshit decision making that cost us a trip to WC18 so to say I was “disappointed” is an understatement.
However, today is not a day for bitching and moaning. Today is a day for celebrating the glory of the Champions League. And by golly that is precisely what we are going to do. But before we look at what’s on deck let’s get back in a positive frame of mind thanks to the soothing sounds of the world’s second greatest anthem:
SPORTSBONER RE-ENGAGED! ESKEDDIT!!
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CHAMPIONS LEAGUE
Scores from last week:
And the schedule for this week:
PSA: I am going to yell this for the people in the back even though I know a ton of you are not going to notice and complain later anyway but…. THE GAMES ARE STARTING AN HOUR LATER BECAUSE OF NON-OVERLAPPING DAYLIGHT SAVINGS SCHEDULES TO PLEASE PLAN ACCORDINGLY!
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City [-750]
Schalke [+1700]
Draw [+725]
Welp. I said Schalke pretty much didn’t have a chance to win the first leg, and in a certain sense I was right. City did indeed win. However, anybody who watched the game knows it was not at all straightforward. Schalke took the lead after some highly controversial penalty decisions – but wait, I was told VAR would solve all that?!?!?!? – and City lost Nicolas Otamendi to a red card… but Pep’s peoples showed some serious testicular fortitude and pulled out a 3-2 road win thanks to some late ridiculousness from Leroy “Not Good Enough For WC18” Sane:
So do Schalke have a chance? Weston McKennie looks likely to start, so you are damn right they have a chance.
Not a good one though, even with the likes of John Stones, Kevin De Bruyne and Fernandinho likely sidelined with injuries, City is a damn machine at the moment.
Unfortunately for Ze (Udder) Germans they can’t just hope to nick one goal and batten down the hatches. Having conceded three at home means that they likely need to win by two. That will force them to start taking chances at some point in the second half – assuming the game hasn’t already been put to bed – and sounds like a recipe for bad things. There is, after all, a reason that Schalke are currently languishing in 14th place in the Bundesliga in spite of McKennie’s unspeakable brilliance. City to win 3-1.
Fun fact: City is still eligible for FOUR trophies this season…. which, ironically, is the same number of regulatory authorities that have opened investigations into their shady business dealings – maybe the universe really does balance itself out?!
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Juventus [-150]
Atletico Madrid [+425]
Draw [+260]
God bless Diego Simeone. In a world where Zinedine Zidane selfishly stole the Real Madrid job from Jozay Mourinho thus keeping Dear Leader on the sidelines for another couple months, Simeone is out here trying to give the people what they want: succulent soccer content.
Here’s the thing though. I compared these two teams to grizzled yet infinitely wise old wizards on the first leg, and I think the shoe still fits. Both have been there done that, they know how to conjure victories up out of nothing. They know the dark arts and what it takes to win in hostile environs.
But there is one big big youge difference between the two: only one has a pissed off Ronny, which is something that you never ever EVER want to run up against.
Just because I’m Team Messi doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate Ronny’s greatness, and something tells me we may be about to witness him writing another chapter into what has already been a storybook career this afternoon (or better yet EVENING given the late kickoff times).
Juventus to win 2-0… and to eventually advance in or after extra time.
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Lots more action coming up tomorrow. Check you then blud fam.
Holler,
Samuel Army