I Held My Barstool Coworkers Hostage Through 5am (9 Straight Hours) Until They Earned Enough Honor To Sleep

Jeff D Lowe, Dana B, Mantis, and Marina decided to hop on the sticks for what they thought would be a friendly game or two of Fortnite with their co-worker, Adam. However, little did they know Adam seizes to exist when General Smitty is out for blood and glory…

Unfortunately for them, that’s not how real life and/or warfare works. When you enter into my realm of battle and warfare, you’re here until the mission is accomplished. It wasn’t for the slightest of heart. Mantis complained his back was misaligned. Jeff D Lowe went AWOL at 2am. Dana was fed only rice like he was in a Vietcong prison camp and was thereby known as “Rice Boy”. The sun started to rise and glory was still not attained for various reasons outside of myself:

Last one. Can’t end on that. Guaranteed Victory.

All traits of a glorified champion of the sticks and/or life. And then…it happened. It finally fucking happened.

See? Great things happen to champions who wait. Or something like that. No, I don’t like me that much, either.

PS – And this awkwardness.