Blues Pull Off Miracle Teabagging In Anaheim But Murder Puckline Bettors

Yesterday while walking to work, I passed by one of those shitty coffee carts, the one where the guy basically sits in a phone booth all day, and heard a familiar tune. Out of the creamer stained speakers, the beautiful words of “Gloria!” blared out into the shithole New York streets. It stopped me in my tracks. The Blues adopted the song as their victory song during the win streak that started in January, and I knew it must be a sign from the hockey gods.

They had lost 2 straight and I just knew they were due for a W. I’d never heard “Gloria” in the wild and there’s no way it was just a coincidence. Me and Grinnelli put down 500 dollars (combined since we’re poor) on the Blues puckline when I got into work. It was a LOCK (Grinnelli literally said those words). He said the moneyline has bad odds and that since Gloria was such a clear sign, we’d be alright riding the puckline. “The Ducks suck bro… we’ll be good”. I was convinced.

After going up 3-1 I thought we would be fine. Pop another goal in and just get through the third period and we’ll be fine… Not the case. The Ducks scored 3 straight and Grinnelli was sending me “drink bleach” gifs.

The Blues went into the final 2 minutes down 4-3 and the bet was all but dead. What happened next was magical.

Oh LORD! It was going to be a miracle. I went Rear Admiral style IG Live for the final 50 seconds of Our Blessed Lady Of The Unguarded Cage and cannot believe how close this goddamn thing came. Unbelievable.

First of all, I can’t imagine doing this on a nightly basis. It is so goddamn stressful and I didn’t even have $10,000 dollars on the game like some of my bosses might allegedly have. After hearing Dave and Big Cat complain about games for 2 years straight while not being a gambler at all, I figured I just didn’t get it, but after last night I am sold. I can only imagine what the feeling would have been like if it hit. I might have gone straight to the liquor store and popped champagne.

Selfishness aside, this was a huge game for the Blues to steal. After their historic run, they were lightyears ahead of where they were in December, but after a 2 game skid combined with Dallas and Colorado finding their footing, things were looking a tad bit dicey. If they didn’t pull off the miracle last night, they would have been only 4 points ahead of the last team OUT of the playoffs. When you factor in Anaheim being a struggling team right now, it creates a must-win situation with about 16 games left.

The California road trip isn’t as imposing as it once was this year, as the Kings and Ducks are bottom feeders right now, and with a win tonight on the second half of a back to back, we could be looking at solid footing going into the final stretch here, no matter what happens in San Jose.

Please buy a shirt so we can pay Grinnelli’s bookie