Barstool HQ Week In Review: Glory Holes, Cool Kids, And Revenge
Welcome back to another edition of the Barstool HQ: Week in Review. Last week was jam-packed, but this week was a little slower than usual. I know that’s no way to sell a blog, but whatever you’ve already clicked on it.
Monday 2/25
Monday gave us with one of the funniest articles to ever grace the internet. The Washington Post published a Deadspin article dubbing them “the cool kids of the Internet.” Look, I know I’m not “cool” or whatever. But I also know that these people aren’t either.
The article was filled with unbelievable quotes you’d have to see to believe. Kmarko broke down the best seven.
On the Rundown, we got a first-hand account of the facial profiling incident Buddha Ben had to endure at CVS last Sunday.
Buddha Ben is a man of honor and integrity. Slandering his upstanding character is disgusting, and I won’t stand for it. Boycott CVS!
On Barstool Radio, Norman Chad decided to enter the mud.
Gun girl one week and Norman Chad the next. Name a more iconic duo.
Tuesday 2/26
Personally, most of my Tuesday was spent wasting my time on this Conan O’Brien compilation video.
I really thought it had a chance to go “ViVi” as they say. It did not.
On The Shaun Latham Show, they were trying banana and mayo sandwiches.
Apparently they were actually good, but I would never try one. In elementary school, there were rumors that the fattest kid in school got so fat from eating peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Ever since then, I’ve been afraid of eating sandwiches with bananas and a condiment.
On Barstool Radio, we discussed some potential journalistic integrity issues.
Luckily, I took it upon myself to write this response blog in an effort to keep Barstool as a fair and unbiased news source. You’re welcome.
Big Ev aka The Double Vodka Don aka a bunch of other names wrote this blog campaigning for a chance to get on the third floor. Dave decided that it was effective enough to get him up here, even if it means he has to sit in the “Fat Pen.”
At night, a memo went out from the NFL warning everyone about the bad boys of the Internet.
Wednesday 2/27
The lock on the bathroom door closest to my desk broke, so all week I was guarding the bathroom for people as they went in. Francis and Big Cat got into a debate over whether or not the lock worked. Francis claimed it didn’t. Big Cat said it did. Big Cat went in, “locked” it, and told Francis to try opening it. Francis tried and was successful. It was a great moment for him, and a low moment for The Cat, maybe the worst of his Barstool career.
Later in the day, Frankie was trying to get his outfit perfect for Thursday’s Islanders game. It ended up backfiring big time into an awesome pro-Tavares hoodie and inadvertently giving him the nickname “King Cobra.”
Thursday 2/28
We just ditched the broken handle and turned it into what can only be described as a glory hole.
Another new office addition was a camera in the snack room.
This came just a day after our radio discussion about a potential “Fat Pen” for all our more rotund employees. Makes you wonder.
It was game day for Frankie and the Islanders. He needed to make sure everything was just perfect for the night.
Meanwhile, Ranger fans continued to torture Frankie by making King Cobra hoodies based off his design.
It led to quite a ricochet shot on Balls.
Later at the game, Frankie had what he described as one of the best nights of his life with the Islanders utter domination of Tavares and Toronto.
Some claimed Dave should win an Oscar for excellence in cinematography after his performance filming Frankie. Those people are not wrong.
Friday 3/2
Started my morning at Starbucks as I usually do. They had already started preparing me two coffees when I walked in, but Dave was out so I only needed one. They handed me two anyway and said “You usually get two. You can just keep the extra.” It was a nice gesture, but I’d prefer if they just waited until I placed my order. Sometimes I’ll add vanilla syrup to my coffee too. I don’t mind ordering and then waiting a couple of minutes. I understand they’re just trying to be helpful, but it makes me feel like I have to always adhere to my typical order.
Back at the office, Riggs pulled one of the most bush league move of all time. From my desk, I can see when people are walking over from the other side of the office, usually either for the snack room or bathroom. I had already decided I had to pee when I saw Riggs coming over. I got up and went to the bathroom before he made his way over. I clarified “Sorry I have to pee, not trying to jump you in line.” That was nice of me. Also, I wasn’t positive he was coming to the bathroom, as he could’ve been getting a snack. I shouldn’t be punished for sitting next to the bathroom and have to wait to go if I see someone walking over. Well when I walked out of the bathroom, “Immature Riggs” had taken my laptop and hid it. What are we in 7th grade? I ultimately found it in the kitchen but still a real bush league move from “Immature Riggs.”
And to finish off the week, we had a classic Dave-Smitty battle, spurred on by The Rocket.
It ultimately got resolved on radio. I think we decided Smitty and Jared are still friends but not friendly enough to go canoeing together. Or something like that.
Til next week,
Thomas