Grainy Footage Of British Prime Minister Theresa May Playing Pool Reveals She Is Not Human

We the people go nuts every time we see a politician engaging in human activities. Whenever people saw a clip of Obama making a goddamn layup, they’d would anoint him the second coming of Hando Havlicek. Bill Clinton playing the saxophone? Throw those panties out dear, for they’ll never be dry again. Christ, I can’t even imagine how the public reacted when Teddy Roosevelt would come home from a hike with some endangered animal pelt slung over his shoulders.

But… if you’re going to show off your human skills, you better be good at what you’re showcasing. Case in point, we have Theresa May—the embattled prime minister of England—holding a pool cue like it’s a poisonous spider. What’s more, the Italian PM didn’t look much better. He presented those cues like they were old dueling pistols, as in “here you go, ma’am. Let us fire upon the prisoners at ten paces.” God I wish I’d lived in a different time.

I credit her team for clearly editing the clip to end the second she strikes the cue ball, for I can only imagine that her shot trickled gently across the table in some errant direction. But if they had the foresight to end it there, why release the clip at all? May still looks like an alien. That’s the last thing she needs right now. Her approval rating has fallen off a cliff in recent months due to her handling of the Brexit negotiations. I don’t understand why, nor do I care enough to do the research, so I won’t write about it.

Politicians are aliens. Doesn’t matter which side you’re on or where you came from: if you hold public office, you lose all touch with the human race. You eat batteries and have some intern slave wipe your ass for you/wash your comb after using it to eat a caesar salad. The harder a politician tries to be relatable, the less human they are. Thoughts and prayers to the felt on that pool table.

h/t Keith Markovich