Philly Area-Ish Drug Dealers Were Using An Alligator Named "El Chompo" For Protection And That Seems Fairly Reasonable To Me
COATESVILLE, Pa — Three Pennsylvania men charged with drug trafficking and related offenses kept an alligator to protect their merchandise, according to the Chester County district attorney.
The men, who were sent to Chester County Prison, were 40-year-old Tyrone Jackson, of Columbia, 35-year-old Aki Gathright, of Philadelphia, and 31-year-old Irvin “Gotti” Hawkins, of South Coatesville.
Police found the 3-foot-long American alligator in the kitchen.
“Quite frankly, as far as we can tell with these drug dealers, the alligator may have been the brains of the operation,” Hogan said.
First of all, let me make this clear–Coatesville is at least an hour outside of Philadelphia. So I don’t want to hear any “well that’s just Philly scumbags being Philly scumbags” out of this story. To be fair, one of the drug dealers here is from Philly and I sure as shit wouldn’t be surprised to hear about more people in Philly having an alligator either as a pet or for protection. But that’s neither here nor there. This story does NOT count for anything that people can shit on the city of Philadelphia for.
With that being said…I would just like to commend these fine folks for trying to combat the ever growing issue of gun violence in America. I mean actually think about this for a second. Drugs and violence go together like lamb and tuna fish. Any time you’re working within the Black Market, there’s a chance that violence is going to arise and plenty of times guns are involved. And unfortunately when guns are involved, typically death is as well.
So these fellas didn’t want to perpetuate the trend of drug dealers just shooting each other to death over their product. They wanted to break the cycle. But drug dealers are business people, too, and they need a way to protect their product. So what do they go out and do? They purchase an alligator to be their protector. Nobody is going to fuck with an alligator. You think some junkie is going to risk getting his head chomped off by a gator over a little bit of crack cocaine? I mean maybe, but it’s highly unlikely. So the junkies just run away when they encounter the alligator and just like that, nobody gets hurt. Also no product gets stolen either so it’s a win-win for everybody. Nobody dies and nobody gets ripped off. It is quite possibly the most efficient way for drug dealers to conduct their business.
Unfortunately the police do not see it that way. Which is a real shame because basically what they are saying is that you are going to jail either way whether you have a bunch of guns or an alligator. Guns are obviously easier to own so if you’re fucked either way, you might as well just go with the gun. It sucks because I think if every drug dealer just got rid of their guns and got a gator instead, there would be a lot less violence within that community. Getting guns off the streets should be the main priority here, not alligators. But I guess that’s what happens when the NRA is in charge. Fucking Gun Girl.