Barstool HQ Week In Review: Don't Tell Your Coworkers They're Not Your Friends

Monday 2/11

We’ll start with Big If True on Monday. I was sitting at my desk, and I could hear Zah cackling with laughter through the control room. He jumped up to celebrate, was pumping his fist, and yelling “YESSS!!!” What happened, you may be wondering? Jeff D Lowe actually lost a category on Big If True

Zah has his suspicions over the legitimacy of Jeff’s record, so he welcomes any loss with open arms.

A bigger, more well-known rivalry is The Rocket vs. White Sox Dave. The topic of White Sox Dave was brought up to The Rocket, and he let his feelings be known.

The Rocket turned to those around him in the office and said “If he releases that blog, his time will come. And it’s going to be really bad for him.” It would be a real shame to see this settled at RnR8.

Real shame.

Elsewhere, Marty Mush was being his typical moronic self.

Not even like it’s brain damage from RnR.

Some personal news – I’m starting a health kick. Tried it in December but only lasted for a few weeks. As i mentioned last week, I needed to know my starting weight to mark progress before starting again. I remembered to weigh myself Monday and now it’s healthy eating for me. Look at this shit I had for lunch.

Whenever I eat healthy, it actually upsets my stomach. I think my body is used to eating garbage and is shocked when like grilled chicken and greens hit it. Hopefully we can adjust to that.

And last thing to recap the day … 27 RINGS

Tuesday 2/12

The morning started off with a fire safety drill. Someone came over the PA system and told everyone to stand in front of the elevator doors. Nobody moved a muscle. A fire safety officer then told us what to do in a fire – avoid the elevators and calmly head for the stair exits.

I think there is 0.00% chance that would actually happen.

Personally, I think almost our entire office would pull a George Costanza. Tons of shoving and pushing people out of the way. Let’s hope it never comes to that, but it would make some great content.

Side note – when the guy finished his fire safety speech, it just felt right to clap. I think only Zah and I actually did though. But I’m glad I did, the moment called for it.

Later, Kyle Van Noy of the Patriots came to the office. I was at my desk and I noticed him looking at me standing in the bar area. He looked to Dave and said “that’s your good luck charm right?” I smiled and said hi. He was far enough away where I wasn’t sure if it was a “get up” scenario. It didn’t seem like it. But a few seconds passed, I started to get up and he said “No you don’t have to get up.” At that point, I had to get up. So I walked over and shook his hand. He is a two-time Super Bowl Champion. But I will maintain that it wasn’t initially a “get up” situation.

I then went to get Dave a coffee. As I was walking there, I saw Youngstown Bob aka Tonguestown Bob aka Munchtown Bob aka The Colossus of Clit. It was snowing/sleeting, yet he had no jacket on and was just holding his bare laptop in his hands without a case or covering it. Really bizarre.

I walked back to the office and saw Action Bronson standing in front of a green screen with some weird green hat on his head. Don’t know what that was all about, but I just kept walking and realized how absurd this place can be sometimes.

Marty Mush then got tasked with doing his first ad read in front of a green screen. It was a 30-45 second read. It took him TWENTY SEVEN MINUTES to do it. It was a stunning display of incompetence.

Wednesday 2/13

Wednesday was all about The Rocket vs. White Sox Dave. White Sox Dave had recently thrown 91 MPH on the radar gun. The Rocket had thrown 68. WSD had nothing to gain from trying it again, but decided to anyway.

Huge day for The Rocket.

Elsewhere, Valentine’s Day spirit was in the air.

Very romantic.

And we wrap up Wednesday with Marty just missing a sock.

Thursday 2/14

Valentine’s Day! As I do on all holidays, I go up to people and say “Happy fucking Valentine’s Day dude!” Except I don’t say “Valentine’s Day” if it’s a different holiday obviously.

Riggs walked over to my desk. He had a red quarter zip on. I asked if he was wearing red for Valentine’s Day. He danced around it but the answer was yes. I judged him for it.

There was a lot of office chatter about Part 2 of The Barstool Documentary that aired the previous night. Definitely check it out if you haven’t already. It’s some powerful stuff. Gaz and Dana are making masterpieces.

At 3 PM, my latest video dropped. Here’s a shameless plug for it.

I have yet to find a worthy replacement.

We then had the trippiest two hours of Barstool Radio in history. Just talking about life’s random, big philosophical questions and other random shit you’d only talk about when you were stoned (which we weren’t).

After radio, I headed over to Ellie’s “Schnitt Talk” party at a local bar with a few others. I talked myself into quite a bit of trouble. A girl at the bar asked if I was friends with Ellie. I said “No I wouldn’t say friends. We’re coworkers.” Quigs was standing next to me and said, “I probably would’ve just said that you’re friends.” I disagreed. Ellie and I are not friends. We work together. We’re friendly. We’ve talked a few times, just basic small talk. I have zero problems with her, she’s a nice girl. But you can be friendly with someone and not be their friend. Big distinction between “friends” and “friendly.” Not everyone you work with can be your friend. I have some friends in the office. I have others I’m friendly with that are just coworkers. Doesn’t mean I dislike them.

Well anyway, she found out I said that and was quite upset.

Sometimes I know I’m going to talk myself into trouble, but I just can’t help myself. I still think I’m right.

Friday 2/15

Had to deal with a little bit of awkward fall out from my comments made the night before. I told Ellie I didn’t mean to upset her, but I stood by everything I said. We’re on the path to friendship.

I did The Yak with The Cat and The Dog (Stella). First time I’ve ever met Stella. Felt like I was meeting a celebrity. Real nice dog.

It was a really relaxed vibe all afternoon. Marty continued to be impossibly dumb.

Before radio, I was writing this blog and it seemed like some people in the office are doing push-up contests right now. Not for me.

See you next week.